You Never Let Go

You Never Let Go
by Matt Redman

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

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The story behind the song (from www.mattredman.com)

I wrote this song with my wife Beth, and it's special to us because it helped us make it through a very hard season in our lives. It was written in a really intense week. Beth suffered a miscarriage, and actually it was also the week of the London bombings. There are times when everything in life seems to be breaking and shaking apart, and that age old Psalmist cry of 'How long O Lord, how long?' is echoing through your soul. It's in seasons like those where we need to find something firm to stand on. For as real as these struggles are, there's an even greater reality we can connect with, the wisdom, power and love of our amazing God. In our darkest moments He's as kind, caring and in control as He ever was. The song for us was a really a way of reminding ourselves that there´s a God who never lets go us, through the times of calm, and the stormy times.

In the song we use Psalm 23 as a springboard into the theme. 'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death', and aim to lead people into a place of hope. Since writing the song we've been so encouraged by some of the emails and letters we've received in response. For example, people who have lost loved ones in a such hard circumstances. And though they're very real about it and grieving the loss, they've made a choice to remain on the paths of trust and praise. Our God never let go of us, and if we're wise in worship, we'll never let go of Him.

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When we feel like giving up on ourselves, when we feel like we just want to disappear, when we feel like we're worthless and more than useless, when we feel like there's no one who cares, when we feel like the weight of the world is upon us... God never lets go of us!

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:11

Remembering

It has been three days since I’ve started in this job. I can’t help but remember countless things, persons and experiences as I tagged along with my officemates in the inventory of network equipment in UP Diliman campus. I visited UP Diliman few times before when we did library research when I was still in highschool. UP Diliman is very much like my beloved UPLB… the trees, buildings, road pavements, smell of old books, etc… I think UPD just lacks the “rural” and “camaraderie” feel of UPLB. :) The walk through different buildings was like a “walk to remember”. Some images of things, persons and experiences were flashing back in my mind. Well, the walk was quite tiring but I enjoyed it very much. I used to walk in UPLB then. It was like I’m having “field trips” every day.hehe :) (Actually, I miss the “walking sessions” with my dorm mates or blocmates.)

Some memorable remembrances are:

• the smell of old books in the main library – I used to stay in the UPLB main library before and I really love the smell of old books even if it was one of the probable cause of my rhinitis.hehe I don’t know but that “old-book-smell” gives me a different natural high…parang rugby!hehe
• red-floorwax-polished-floor – I love the feel of “gliding” my sneakers on the red-floorwax-polished-floor. I remember the red-floorwax-polished-floor in my college dorm.
• College of Education and College of Law were the buildings I visited when I was in highschool – I remembered I found a good reference book about graft and corruption in the College of Education library for my social studies paper. I got a copy of a republic act on organ donation at the College of Law for another social studies paper.
• familiar trees especially the palm trees I saw in NSRI – I used to memorize the names of those trees before because in UPLB most of the trees have “labels” complete with its respective scientific names. I wouldn’t forget the lined up palm trees from Carabao Park to Humanities building and from CHE (College of Human Ecology) building to PhySci (Physical Sciences) building.
• Lab rooms in the PAV1, PAV2, PAV3 buildings – I remember my Chem and Physics labs before…wearing of lab gown made me feel like I’m a doctor and doing different strange experiments made me feel like I’m a scientist/physicist!hehe
• ROMVLO HALL – I used to wonder how to pronounce ROMVLO when I was in highschool… hehe it was the first UP Diliman building I saw then… it’s the first building you’ll see when the jeep from Katipunan enters UP campus.
• Walk along R. Magsaysay road – I remembered my journey in finding the unpopular CSRC building to inquire about ITTC. From R. Magsaysay road to CSRC building is quite a long walk. :)
• CHE (College of Home Economics) building – It has the same initials with our college… College of Human Ecology! And besides, a good friend is also from CHE (College of Home Economics)… confusing di ba? Both colleges produce brilliant nutrition graduates.hehe :)

With all these remembering thoughts, once again I thank God for giving us memory! Good thing He thought of putting that “memory” feature in human beings. :) I really appreciate memory these past weeks! But most of the time, we are forgetful people. Forgetful on the blessings we received and the mistakes we made. May God help us remember the blessings we receive each day and give us wisdom to learn from the mistakes we make! Happy remembering! :)

Hello, Goodbye, Hello...

Hello!

Forrest Gump once said, “Life is like a box of chocolates…” I say, “Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes.” From the time we said “hello world!” till the time we’ll say “goodbye world!” we encounter different “hellos” and “goodbyes”. May it be to a person, thing, animal, problem, experience, or whatever it may be… everything has a beginning and end. We say “hello shoes!” then after a while “goodbye shoes!”… then after a while “hello new shoes!” then “’goodbye new but now old shoes!” It’s just a cycle. But the important thing in all these “hellos” and “goodbyes” is what transpired in between. Did we choose to love? Did we choose to appreciate? Did we choose to cherish the moment?

We can’t avoid having mixed emotions in all these. We may feel sad because of a goodbye moment but we may also feel both excited and happy for what lies ahead (a.k.a. hello moment). Mixed emotions, isn’t it? Been going through some “hellos” and “goodbyes” these days… makes me feel sad, excited, happy, fearful in a way, and everything! But life must go on. :) Live the moment, appreciate it, cherish it, learn from it. :)

People have different styles in handling certain “hello” and “goodbye” moments. Well, in my case, music is my “therapy”. Some of my current “comfort” songs are: “Cry On My Shoulder” by Overflow; “Rescue” by Desperation Band; “Hand” by Jars Of Clay; “I Won’t Give Up” by Everyday Sunday; “Because He Lives” (old hymn). I feel better when I’m eating ice cream while listening to the music.hehe :) Seriously, these songs give me encouragement and sense of hope. I know that all these “hellos” and “goodbyes” are inevitable and in everything God has a purpose. :)

The only tragedy in between “hello world!” and “goodbye world!” is not to know the Author of Life in this lifetime. We are just travelers in this so-called life and there is a better (or worse) life waiting for us after this. Now it all depends on our relationship to the One who saves us from our sins, Jesus! Accept Him in your life and you’ll say “goodbye world!” “hello heaven!”. Reject Him and you’ll say “goodbye world!” “hello hell!”. Two choices. One important decision. The decision is ours. Make it here and now not then and after. (For more info on the “one important decision” I’m talking about… just leave a message in the chatbox or click here.)

That’s all for now!
Goodbye! :)

The Space In Between Us

THE SPACE IN BETWEEN US
Building 429

Look at my heart again
Look at the mess I've got it in
I'm trying to trust in You
To know that you'll see me through
Through my pride
Through my shame
Into Your love
Into Your grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see Your face
And I'm running straight to You
Because

All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
To break this division
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
Erase it and bring us together again

My life's like an open book
Nothing is hidden when you look
You break through my boundaries
Revealing my insecurities
But through my pride
And through my shame
You show me love
You show me grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see your face
And I'm running straight to you
Because

All I really want to do is to fall into

The emptiness that is

The space in-between us

To break this division

All I really want to do is to fall into

The emptiness that is

The space in-between us

Erase it and bring us together again

Here I am saying I need you
I know I need you
Here I am, I'm coming to meet you
Cause I want to see you

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I've been busy for the past weeks because of our final project. Long hours of lab work and finally it was over. Can't believe it was over. This song has been playing over my head these past few days. I think it's just my heart's desire lately to "break this division...erase it and bring us back together again". :)

Class is finally over. We're just completing some project documents for us to be cleared for graduation. Time flies so fast. I can't believe that 1 year had passed. God is so gracious. Our final project went well though I feel like the weakest link in the group (hehe!)... DB server and VPN concentrator don't like to cooperate. I remembered old worship songs in the course of doing this final project of ours. One song popped out from my mind when I was thinking why those computer services won't work even when we did all the recommended procedures... "I have made you too small in my eyes, O Lord, forgive me, And I have believed in a lie that you were unable to help me... But now, O Lord, I see my wrong, heal my heart and show yourself strong..." Mr. Google couldn't give much help anymore and I forgot that I have a big God who is almighty and sovereign. I haven't known Him as an IT expert but I know He made the stars and the skies, how can He not make our computers work? Thank God for giving us wisdom. I thank God for my hardworking groupmates and our group's counterpart in the other class. Our group was able to host their portal successfully. :) Then another song crossed my mind... "how can I say thanks for the things you have done for me, things so undeserved yet you give to prove your love for me, the voices of a million angels cannot express my gratitude, all that I am or ever hope to be I owe it all to you...to God be the glory!"

To describe this whole thing in one word -- "Amazing!" I'm glad we're done with the final project but well, I'm getting sad because it's time to say, "so long, farewell, I hate to say goodbye." (sounds like a "Sound of Music" song!hehe) :)

Need For Speed

Almost all students are having their summer vacation at this time of the year. We are just starting our final group project. Well, time flies so fast and my 1 year study will come to an end in less than 20 days. I used to have countdowns when I was in college but this time it seems that I don’t want to count how many days left before the classes end. We’re busy doing our respective group projects but at the back of my mind, I’m starting to get lonely. I will miss many things…the parking lot, manong guards, labs, classmates, teachers, Japanese experts, and many more. Just few more days before we say, “So long, farewell, I hate to say goodbye”. There’s a time for everything as the Bible said in Ecclesiastes.

Because many students are in vacation already, traffic jam is not so usual these days. Driving is easier than before. Anyhow, my mom commented that my car speed is getting faster and she’s quite worried. Hehe. I didn’t notice that I’m driving the car faster than before. Maybe it’s just because I’m quite used to driving already and the streets are not crowded with lots of cars so why take it slow, right. Hehe. I’m feeling there’s some kind of need for speed. And besides it’s what people want these days. We want speed… we want fastfood… we hate long queues…we like instant coffee, instant noodles, instant cash, instant transformation and a lot of “instants”. In this world where people want everything to be in an instant, we’re forgetting that this world is a time-bound planet. There’s a time for everything. God has His own timetable. Why am I saying all these things? I notice I’m quite in a hurry for nothing recently… waiting is such a wonderful process if we could only see its bright side. Most of the time I just want to get out of God’s waiting room. But I always fail to remember that this life is just a series of waiting rooms…once you get out from one, you’re entering another one. So no need to be in a hurry to get out from one, they are all waiting rooms anyway. Take time to look at things positively while staying in one waiting room. Appreciate the moment and take note of the lessons being taught. Anyway, God is seldom early but never late. He’s right on schedule even if we feel he is very late. Am I reminding myself? Hehe :)

“God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” Numbers 23:19

By the way, I think go-kart racing is cool! :)

P.S. This “loser” idea can’t get off my mind. I made an acronym for a loser like me…
Leaving Oneself Securely Entrusted to the Redeemer! :)

Loser

I'm kinda frustrated with myself lately. It's like I'm disappointed with the way I'm performing. It's the feeling of "I do what I do not want to do". Barely a month before my certificate program ends and I'm getting lazy. This should not be. I think I'm such a loser.Hehe. Timingly, a classmate shared the "Loser" song of Switchfoot (see lyrics below).
I feel like an Israelite in terms of grumbling and rebellion.Hehe. Thank God for traffic jam. It is during traffic when God would made me realize things. My car is in number coding during Mondays and I have to wait till 7pm before I could go home. As I was approaching the downhill curve of Marcos Highway (it's the road fork where taking the left road will lead you to Marikina), an L300 van contested my position in the lane. I'm not really a risk-taker but that time I tried to fight for my position in the lane I was following to. I've never get that close with another car in my entire "driving" career.Hehe. But the L300 was really persistent and I think he would not yield. So I decided to give way for the L300 van. I felt mixed emotions -- anger, disappointment, etc. In short, I felt like a loser. Then I realized that God oftentimes asks us to yield and become a loser to Him. He is sovereign and the almighty one. He knows what's best for us. There are wishes and dreams that I am tightly holding to. There are times when I grumble and rebel when those wishes and dreams did not materialize. I have the feeling of "I don't deserve this" attitude.Haha. I'm such a fool. I'm such a forgetful person like the Israelites forgetting how the Lord their God had brought them out of Egypt. Be still and know He is God. :)

Loser
by Switchfoot

Only the losers win
they've got nothing to prove
They'll leave the world with nothing to lose
You can laugh at the weirdos now
Wait till wrongs are right
They'll be the ones with nothing to hide

'Cause I've been thinking, thinking
I've got a plan to lose it all
I've got a contract pending on eternity
If I haven't already given it away
I've got a plan to lose it all

I've been the burnout kid
I've been the idiot
I'll turn the other cheek to be hit
You can take what you want from me
Empty me till I'm depleted
I'll be around if I'm ever needed

I wrote this song for you
To show how I'm selling out
I'll take the benefit of a doubt

appreciate the moment

First month of 2007 had already gone. Can't help but reminisce old memories. I'm such a sentimental fool! I've mentioned in my previous blog entries about my amazement on human memory. Thank God He thought of giving us memory. Letters and pictures help us be reminded of something or someone. So let me share some of my treasured personal favorites...

Moonrise I've seen while waiting on a Monday evening

"Feel good" sights along NLEX

Great sight while having a break on a group workshop

Trees, grass, and trail going to CS building

Nice scenery outside our school building... one of my faves cellphone wallpaper

Piece of art at the third floor of Main Lib

Traffic-free NLEX

a memorable lunch-merienda personally delivered by a beloved achi

Oblation in UP Diliman

Suzuki Escudo I've been driving for quite some time now

Sometimes I wish our eyes could have "capture and print" feature to document all the wonderful things our eyes could see. I can't help but say "how Great is our God!"

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One thing I'm learning early this year is to appreciate the moment, things, relationships, good health, ideas, etc. Life is fragile, you'll never know what will happen next.
I'm also learning the "love them while we can" attitude. I think it's a Chris Christian song title way back in the 80's but it's a nice reminder... to love your parents, family, friends, even pets or things while you're still living and capable of showing them love.

******
I've read this from a book by Elisabeth Elliot...
"Life requires countless "little" deaths -- occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God... We are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God could not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live."
This passage reminded me of "a chance to die".

Train Of Thought

*Post-Christmas period*

Some say that the post-Christmas period can be a real "downer" for folks. Honestly, I kinda felt that "downer" but I guess it was more of a reflective mood.

I was reflecting on God's amazing love. This was because we had a series of love messages in our church in the past months. Actually I already wrote down some of my reflections in my past blog entries.

Christmas is all about God's love. "For God so loved the world that He gave His Only Son..." (John 3:16) "O Lord, what love is this that pays so dearly?" says one line of a worship song. I'm speechless.

I finished reading a book (finally?! after a few months..hehe). It's Dr. Ravi Zacharias' Cries of the Heart. Let me quote a paragraph I read from the said book...

"When you notice Michaelangelo's painting of God reaching out to Adam, you see how outstretched God's arm is. Every muscle on His face is contorted, and the hand is reaching as far as possible to make contact. By contrast, Adam lackadaisically lets a limpish hand dangle with apathy in an attitude that seems to say, "If it meets it meets." That reflects the contrasting inclinations of the heart very well."

I've seen the painting only in pictures. I related to the "If it meets it meets" statement. I had those moments last year. There are ups and downs in a relationship. And in a relationship with an invisible God, there are seasons. But I remember the lyrics of another worship song "Forever Grateful"... "You did not wait for me to draw near to you but you clothed yourself with frail humanity / You did not wait for me to cry out to you but you let me hear your voice calling me... I'm forever grateful to you". I wondered like Job: "What is man that you are mindful of him?" or in a personal tone, "Why do you love me?"

I found out another perspective in the most popular question (I guess!) -- "why me?" Most people ask this question when something bad happens in their lives... thinking they don't deserve it. I guess it should also be the same question to ask when something good happens. "Why me, Lord?" -- a person who is unfaithful to my commitment to You; ungrateful one; forgetful one (for all the wonderful things God has done in my life); proud person and disobedient child (most of the time, "I did it my way!" ü); etc., etc., etc.

I can feel God's love whenever I see the stars, moon, sun, clouds, the lacrimal duct in my eyes and feel the borborygmy in my stomach. How great is our God! :)

*Jazz appreciation*

After a season of being a "rockista" (my brother called me "rockista" when I started to appreciate Christian rock music lately!), I'm now into classical music and jazz.

Actually, since there's no Christian FM radio station yet in Manila, I feel kinda "safe" to listen to FM radio stations that plays jazz and classical music (with less talk and commercial breaks) when driving or during my free time. I had a great treat last Christmas eve because one of the two jazz FM radio stations played non-stop jazz Christmas songs. yipee! weeh! :)

I was hoping that there would be Christian jazz music. Last Sunday, I got a treat! God is good! I was surprised when the usual country-music-style God Is Good All The Time by Paul Overstreet (popularized by Don Moen) was given a little jazz feel by the worship band. I was in total delight when they played a jazz version of one of my favorite hymns, Because He Lives. Super thank God! Not only that, the postlude song was also in jazz, a Kid's Praise favorite song of mine -- 1 John 4:7&8! Awesome God! :)

Because He Lives is a memorable song for me. God reminded me of this song when I was in my last semester of senior year in college. I was in a "panicking" mode because of so many deadlines and exams that I wish I wouldn't wake up the next morning. What a comfort to know that... "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, because He lives, all fear is gone, and because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives." I slept peacefully that night and faced tomorrow full of hope. :)

It's a good "theme" song this 2007. :)

A blessed new year to us all! May God bless us even more this 2007! :)

All I Want For Christmas

First week of December:
This line of a Christmas song “all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” popped in my mind. Hmmm… I wonder, “all I want for Christmas is ____________.” Actually, I was planning to conduct a mini-survey with my family and friends but it didn’t materialize. The “ala-Ms. Universe-question” would have been: “If God would only grant one (1) Christmas wish of yours, what would it be?”

Hmmm… I wonder what would be the survey answers: sports car (color: red)? new laptop? new mp3 player? new cellphone? house and lot? new boyfriend or girlfriend? new techie gadget?

Third week of December:
Quite busy in school… can’t think of that one thing I want for Christmas. First day of Christmas vacation... I saw the Jollibee ad (Aga and Charlene with their twins) on TV:
Andrea (girl): (sounds like babytalking) “Andres, what’s your Christmas wish?”
Andres (boy): (seems like thinking) “We have a mommy, we have a daddy… what more could we wish for?”
This “kid talk” stuck in my mind for quite a while. (Thanks to my dear brother who mimicks Andrea’s line for the nth time!) I just found some wisdom in Andres’ answer… Be thankful with what you have, learn to appreciate things… Another thing is the word “more” reminded me of a not so old Christian worship song, “More Love, More Power, More of You in my life…” Alas! I think this would be my answer to my survey question… just in time for Christmas.

It’s Christmas Day today! Thank God for His amazing love for us that He thought of sending us the greatest gift of all, His one and only Son, to save us from our sins! May we not forget the reason for the season, the birthday celebrant, our Lord and Savior – Jesus!:)

Have a blessed merry CHRISTmas! :)

Memory

Memory is one consideration in buying a techie gadget today. High memory means more data storage. I’m thinking of upgrading the memory of my mobile phone and my flashdrive/mp3 player lately but my “stick-to-it-till-it-wears-out” attitude is intervening. Most things I have had “sentimental” value to me. And this makes me ponder about human memory…

I wonder how many bytes/kilobytes/megabytes/gigabytes/terabytes (or whatever unit of measurement) our memory could store? Hmmm… it’s interesting to note that humans are capable to remember things or search the memory without using a search or find (ctrl key + F) feature. Another thing is the “association” component. Have you experience remembering someone or something when a “keyword” was mentioned? It’s not only about “keywords”… how about remembering someone or an event when you smell a distinct scent or when you hear a particular song or when you see a certain color or read an article? Whoah! This is really mind-boggling. I made some sort of experiment with myself lately… I took note of the times I remember someone/something and what made me remember that “someone/something”. And I noticed that it’s not just merely remembering that “someone/something”… emotions are also involved. How can I say this? I was driving one morning along Marcos Highway and a Toyota Altis car cut my lane. I was annoyed as in…(my brain started to take note of the car’s plate number, color, etc.) then I remembered a dear achi who drives a Toyota Altis car… my being “annoyed” was gone in seconds. I just wish I could associate every car that cuts my lane with someone dear to me di ba? Hehe.

My mom found our old Casio PT-1 small keyboard player in the storage area. Memories flooded my mind when I saw it even if my mind was preoccupied with other things. I remember how I used to play the melody of “Memory” (a song in the “Sound of Music” movie) in that small keyboard player and how my brother and I quarrelled who’d be first to play with it. To stop our quarelling over that small keyboard player, my dad bought another one… and more memories coming in. How come I still remember those memories when it was more than a decade ago already? Hmmm… interesting! It just made me think how great is the God who created us all! I’m just amazed! Awesome! :)

This could mean that memory is a great part of our personhood. Are you not the same person if you cannot remember anything in your past? I just wonder why we don’t have “selective” memory where we could only remember those things we want to remember. Hmmm… just thinking. I know God knows what’s best for us. I’m just sort of suggesting? Hehe :)

I noticed I’ve used a lot of the word “remember” in this blog entry…which reminds me of something…

The word “remember” appeared many times in the Bible. About a year ago I got curious with the word “remember” and looked up some verses with the word “remember” listed in the concordance. Let me share some of the verses I found…

Genesis 8:1 “…and God remembered Noah”
Exodus 20:8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy”
Leviticus 26:42 “I will remember my covenant with Jacob”
Numbers 10:9 “Then you will be remembered by the Lord your God”
Deuteronomy 8:18 “Remember the Lord your God”
1 Chronicles 16:12 (Psalm 105:5) “Remember the wonders he has done”
Nehemiah 4:14 “Remember the Lord, who is good and awesome”
Psalm 77:11 “I will remember the deeds of the Lord…I will remember your miracles”
Ecclesiastes 12:1 “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth”
…and the list goes on.

Well, it’s nice to remember things. It’s nice to be remembered too. I hope my memory will work well this coming Sunday for the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test). ^^

Ganbatte kudasai! ^^ Ganbarou! ^^
Aza! Jia you! ^^