I'm 23.  Nothing new.  I couldn't believe.  I just don't know.  I used to plan.  Seems so sure.  Not at all.  Can't understand.  Feel insignificant.  Useless.  Meaningless.  You think so?  Maybe.  I think so.  I don't know.  Walk away?  Escape?  Where?  Feeling down.  Seems so strange.  Why?  You're asking why?  Some sort of emotion swing.  Like mood swing?  Hmm..  Don't grow weary.  Hang on.  Press on.  Keep on keeping on.  It will pass.  Soon?  Soon.  You'll see.  I will see.

so why can't i turn off my radio?

i heard this line from a song i've heard on the radio these past few days.  i heard its tune again from my officemate's cellphone this morning.

 

hmm... nice question.  got a lot of info, good music, goodies and a chance of meeting great people from listening to radio. :)

 

i browsed the local radio stations this holy week.  i wish it's holy week every week!  how good it is to hear reflection thoughts or even Bible verses every hour in almost all radio stations that were on-air that time. :)

 

thank God for the inventor of radio!

scattered thoughts

weekend getaway
We went to batangas a weekend before holy week for my uncle’s birthday celebration. Though quite reluctant to go, I’ve learned not to trust my feelings all the time and besides I don’t want to be left alone in the house. I had a great time – not so much with the beach but with the scenery, my dad’s old camera, the night skies and the drive in the countryside (I’m just a relaxed passenger at the back!). hehe :) God is gracious!

song lines thoughts
“…and I won’t last a day without you”
I was one ride away from home one evening and was looking at the night sky when this song line popped in my mind. :) I remember it was not last song syndrome. I guess God was just reminding me that I won’t last a day without Him.

“could you be my number 2?”
An officemate of mine used to play this song teasing another officemate of mine that this song would make good background music for her long overdue wedding. I used to think that it’s not right for a guy to ask this question to a girl. But after a while, I think I would gladly say “yes” when a guy would ask me this question…if and only if he would say that Jesus is his number 1…hmm what a nice love triangle, huh? :)

honeybee attack, etc.
It started with what I thought was a harmless visit of a few honeybees in my mom’s little garden. Hay, maraming namamatay sa maling akala. Few honeybees became a colony! My mom tried to drive them away with fire but they keep on coming back. We’re not that sweet naman ha. :) Hopefully they were gone for good na. I was reminded by God’s stubborn love…even when we’re trying to drive him away most of the time, he never lets us go (without forcing himself to us). He’s just there patiently waiting for us.

Our pet animals are taking to heart God’s command to “go and multiply”. Our pet fish gave birth to three tiny fingerlings. And based on our observations, the mother fishes are on their way for nth fingerling(s). Our lady love bird is nursing a chick. Supposedly it should be two but the other one didn’t make it. While cleaning one of our windows, we found out cracked egg shells of lizard (I suppose, I’m not so sure). Hmm…I haven’t checked if we have new frog, butterfly, or even snake in our backyard. Hehe :)

How do you love me? Let me count the ways…
Well, sometimes I just forget to count the ways God is expressing his love for me… just want to thank Him for the weekend getaway, once in a while one-liner reminders, thoughts from circumstances and most of all for giving his one and only son, Jesus! :)

change

Butterfly

by Seven Day Jesus

 

You see me,

It's not me

It's something underneath my skin

I wanna tear it all away,

And show the beauty that's within

Begin to

Come unglued

And throw away the older me

Just give it time and then you'll see

 

CHORUS:

I wanna be a butterfly,

Flying in the sky

With you, today

I wanna lose this old cocoon

I wanna do it soon,

And fly away, away

 

So tired of always crawling up the tree

To fall back down again

This lovely place where I began

It's not the place I'm gonna end

Up so before you sum up all

The missing pieces from my head

There's so much further I can get

 

(Repeat CHORUS)

 

Your wind is underneath my wing

It carries me away

It's you, my God

That makes me sing

When I'm on my way

Change a little every day

 

(Repeat CHORUS)

 

You take what's old and make it new

So I can be with you,

And fly away, away

 

========================================

 

I attended a seminar two years ago on MIRACLE OF LIFE CHANGE by Chip Ingram.  I remembered he used the illustration of caterpillar turning into a butterfly when speaking about our spiritual life change.

 

Change... what an appropriate word... I wanna lose this old cocoon, I wanna do it soon and fly away, away.

 

 

6th month

Time flies so fast.  We're on the fourth month of the year already.  Well, today is my 6th month "extension" to this life.  Hehe...just can't forget that moment when I face the reality of death.  I wonder how well I'm doing with my extension.  I just hope I would be able to accomplish what God wants me to do.  :)

do you love me?

I asked him this question almost four years ago when nothing seems going right in my life.  Then I got the chance to reflect on this question in a retreat almost two years ago.  That time it was him asking me the same question.  Of course my answer was yes.  But then he asked me thrice.  I was hurt just like Peter (John 21:15-17).  Who wouldn't be hurt when the person you really love is doubting your love for him?  Suddenly, I stop and think deeply.  Do I really love him?  I mean, really love him and not his gifts...love him whatever it takes...love him when bad things happen.  Hmmm...

 

I was reminded again of this question last Sunday.  What is that one thing that keeps me from loving him with all of my heart?  2 Chronicles 16:9a says, "For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His."  May every piece of my heart be completely His.  :)

how's my love life?

Good question to ask for this week! :) 

 

Actually, I had a funny story to tell.  I was with a group last Monday night and we were sharing how our week was and what God has been teaching us for the past week.  I was sharing about what I've learned about "love" relationships when a friend asked, "so may love life ka pala?"  I confidently replied, "oo naman, may love life ako!"  He was shocked!  He even asked, "taga dito ba sya?"  It turned out that he thought that I was referring to a human being while I was speaking of my "love" relationship with God.  We had a good laugh! :)

 

I've been considering many things in life lately.  It seems that I want to do a lot of things.  As I was reading a book last night, or I mean, very early this morning, I came to a section "Whom do you love?"  Ah, love life again!  In that section, Mother Teresa was asked what they could pray for her.  She requested that her love for the poor would not eclipse her love for Jesus.  The word 'eclipse' jumped out of the page!  Well, what a timely reminder.  Whatever cause may motivate us, let this be our prayer: that NOTHING would eclipse our love for Jesus and that nothing would ever interrupt his love for people, love that Jesus desires to flow through us to others.

 

A lot of good things to do in life.  Maximus said in Gladiator, "What we do in life echoes in eternity."  Aha, I think I need some refocusing here.  Only one life will soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last.

simply love you

Simply Love You

by Ginny Owens

 

Seems that life's become so complicated

I don't think it was meant to be this way

I find myself so distracted

Caught up in the chaos of your day

 

When did I stop asking for your wisdom?

As if your words were meant for someone else

Why do I choose to second-guess you?

Oh I only frustrate and confuse myself

 

Chorus:

I just wanna love you, simply love you

The way it used to be

When your love was new to me

I just wanna love you, simply love you

To hear what you say and live every day

Like you asked me to

I just wanna simply love you

 

Many times you spoke of us as children

Childhood seems to me so long ago

You say I can trust you like I did then

If I give you my hand then you'll lead me home

 

(Chorus)

 

Oh...to fall on my knees

With the freshest belief

Stirred once again with the story

Of how you loved me

 

(Chorus)

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

simply said.  one of my new favorites lately.  plainly expresses what's in my heart these days.  :)

cry on my shoulder

Cry On My Shoulder
by Overflow

You say you're falling apart
Reached the end of the line
Just looking for your place in an ordinary life
No one calls you friend
No one even knows your name
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain

You no longer have to say
No one's listening anyway

Chorus:
Come here and cry on my shoulder
I'll hold you till it's over
I'll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I'll love you more than life

You're wearing a frown
Given up on hope
My heart is reaching out
More than you will ever know
Is your burden too much?
Is it more than you can bear?
I'll help carry the load if you're willing to share

Chorus

You no longer have to say
No one's listening anyway

You have had some hard times
Had thorns placed in your side
I know about what you've been going through
Tears of pain are falling down
It hurts so bad you're crying out
You're problems won't last forever
Let me put you back together

Chorus (2x)

==================================

God is reminding me of Matthew 11:28 and 1 Peter 5:7. He is our knight in shining armor. :)

do i miss him?

do i miss him?  do i miss his love letters?

these were the questions crossing my mind while waiting for the vesper service to start last night.  it seemed that i can't feel anything.  i don't know, maybe i was just tired and felt a certain pain in my right foot.  i've been quite busy the past few days.  for what?  i don't know.  but it's good to have a few minutes of solitude...being still and knowing my God.  i'm waiting.

i miss the moon. i haven't seen it lately.

i should miss him.  i should miss his love letters. :)