I'm 23.  Nothing new.  I couldn't believe.  I just don't know.  I used to plan.  Seems so sure.  Not at all.  Can't understand.  Feel insignificant.  Useless.  Meaningless.  You think so?  Maybe.  I think so.  I don't know.  Walk away?  Escape?  Where?  Feeling down.  Seems so strange.  Why?  You're asking why?  Some sort of emotion swing.  Like mood swing?  Hmm..  Don't grow weary.  Hang on.  Press on.  Keep on keeping on.  It will pass.  Soon?  Soon.  You'll see.  I will see.

so why can't i turn off my radio?

i heard this line from a song i've heard on the radio these past few days.  i heard its tune again from my officemate's cellphone this morning.

 

hmm... nice question.  got a lot of info, good music, goodies and a chance of meeting great people from listening to radio. :)

 

i browsed the local radio stations this holy week.  i wish it's holy week every week!  how good it is to hear reflection thoughts or even Bible verses every hour in almost all radio stations that were on-air that time. :)

 

thank God for the inventor of radio!

scattered thoughts

weekend getaway
We went to batangas a weekend before holy week for my uncle’s birthday celebration. Though quite reluctant to go, I’ve learned not to trust my feelings all the time and besides I don’t want to be left alone in the house. I had a great time – not so much with the beach but with the scenery, my dad’s old camera, the night skies and the drive in the countryside (I’m just a relaxed passenger at the back!). hehe :) God is gracious!

song lines thoughts
“…and I won’t last a day without you”
I was one ride away from home one evening and was looking at the night sky when this song line popped in my mind. :) I remember it was not last song syndrome. I guess God was just reminding me that I won’t last a day without Him.

“could you be my number 2?”
An officemate of mine used to play this song teasing another officemate of mine that this song would make good background music for her long overdue wedding. I used to think that it’s not right for a guy to ask this question to a girl. But after a while, I think I would gladly say “yes” when a guy would ask me this question…if and only if he would say that Jesus is his number 1…hmm what a nice love triangle, huh? :)

honeybee attack, etc.
It started with what I thought was a harmless visit of a few honeybees in my mom’s little garden. Hay, maraming namamatay sa maling akala. Few honeybees became a colony! My mom tried to drive them away with fire but they keep on coming back. We’re not that sweet naman ha. :) Hopefully they were gone for good na. I was reminded by God’s stubborn love…even when we’re trying to drive him away most of the time, he never lets us go (without forcing himself to us). He’s just there patiently waiting for us.

Our pet animals are taking to heart God’s command to “go and multiply”. Our pet fish gave birth to three tiny fingerlings. And based on our observations, the mother fishes are on their way for nth fingerling(s). Our lady love bird is nursing a chick. Supposedly it should be two but the other one didn’t make it. While cleaning one of our windows, we found out cracked egg shells of lizard (I suppose, I’m not so sure). Hmm…I haven’t checked if we have new frog, butterfly, or even snake in our backyard. Hehe :)

How do you love me? Let me count the ways…
Well, sometimes I just forget to count the ways God is expressing his love for me… just want to thank Him for the weekend getaway, once in a while one-liner reminders, thoughts from circumstances and most of all for giving his one and only son, Jesus! :)

change

Butterfly

by Seven Day Jesus

 

You see me,

It's not me

It's something underneath my skin

I wanna tear it all away,

And show the beauty that's within

Begin to

Come unglued

And throw away the older me

Just give it time and then you'll see

 

CHORUS:

I wanna be a butterfly,

Flying in the sky

With you, today

I wanna lose this old cocoon

I wanna do it soon,

And fly away, away

 

So tired of always crawling up the tree

To fall back down again

This lovely place where I began

It's not the place I'm gonna end

Up so before you sum up all

The missing pieces from my head

There's so much further I can get

 

(Repeat CHORUS)

 

Your wind is underneath my wing

It carries me away

It's you, my God

That makes me sing

When I'm on my way

Change a little every day

 

(Repeat CHORUS)

 

You take what's old and make it new

So I can be with you,

And fly away, away

 

========================================

 

I attended a seminar two years ago on MIRACLE OF LIFE CHANGE by Chip Ingram.  I remembered he used the illustration of caterpillar turning into a butterfly when speaking about our spiritual life change.

 

Change... what an appropriate word... I wanna lose this old cocoon, I wanna do it soon and fly away, away.

 

 

6th month

Time flies so fast.  We're on the fourth month of the year already.  Well, today is my 6th month "extension" to this life.  Hehe...just can't forget that moment when I face the reality of death.  I wonder how well I'm doing with my extension.  I just hope I would be able to accomplish what God wants me to do.  :)

do you love me?

I asked him this question almost four years ago when nothing seems going right in my life.  Then I got the chance to reflect on this question in a retreat almost two years ago.  That time it was him asking me the same question.  Of course my answer was yes.  But then he asked me thrice.  I was hurt just like Peter (John 21:15-17).  Who wouldn't be hurt when the person you really love is doubting your love for him?  Suddenly, I stop and think deeply.  Do I really love him?  I mean, really love him and not his gifts...love him whatever it takes...love him when bad things happen.  Hmmm...

 

I was reminded again of this question last Sunday.  What is that one thing that keeps me from loving him with all of my heart?  2 Chronicles 16:9a says, "For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His."  May every piece of my heart be completely His.  :)