goodbyes

I’m quite emotional right now.  Another officemate of mine had resigned.  Oh, I just can’t describe the feeling.  I think my heart is broken. :(

I don’t know if I could bear another “goodbye”. 

 

*************

 

It's really overwhelming to be part of an answered prayer.  I just prayed to God that He would use me as a channel of blessings to others.  I'm just truly amazed on what God is doing in my life.  It's a great experience to be used by God as an instrument to answer other person's prayer. "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

 

If you can use anything Lord, You can use me.

a chance to die

I’ve wanted to read a book with this title.

A thought on this concept crossed my mind this morning while I’m on my way to the office. Based on what I’ve read about the book, the title “A Chance To Die” came from the concept of “dying to self”. I guess it’s from the context of Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me…” and Philippians 1:21 “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” It’s about doing God’s will and not my own will, thinking of others first before myself. I just thought, “God is giving me a chance to die (to myself) everyday.” I wonder if I died today. :)

meron pa kaya? (episode 3)

Kaninang umaga, nagmistulang eksperto na naman ako sa pag-forecast ng weather. Naisip ko "it's a sunny day!" Kaya iniwan ko na naman ang aking payong. Pumunta ako sa isang team building activity ng office na dala-dala lang ang aking sarili at maliit kong bag. Parang nananadya ang panahon at nung hapon ay biglang naging maulap, makulimlim at nawala si haring araw. Biglang umambon at bumuhos ang ulan. Mabuti na lang at may sasakyan pabalik ng office (sa ibang lugar kasi yung team building activity). Maulan pa rin pero salamat sa Diyos at hindi na kalakasan. Sabi ko sa sarili, "hindi ka pa natuto...nangyari na 'to kailan lang." Minsan talaga may pagkamatigas ang ulo ko at may kasama na ring katamaran sa pagbitbit ng payong. Dalawang sakay na lang (isang jeep at tricycle) at makakauwi na ako. Salamat talaga sa Diyos at hindi gaanong malakas ang ulan. Sa pagpunta ko sa abangan ng jeep, may tatlong manong na nakapayong. Ang mahiyaing si ako ay KKB (kanya-kanyang buhay) at walang pansin sa pagkakataong ito. Nakakahiya naman na makisilong sa payong nila. (Hmmm...pride ba ito?! *ngiting aso*) Wala pang parating na jeep kaya naisipan ko na ihanda na ang aking pamasahe. Aba, napansin ko na yung isang manong parang nag-aalangan na iniuurong ang payong sa kinatatayuan ko. Nilingon ko sya at ang sabi nya, "iha, makisilong ka muna sandali." Sagot ko naman, "sige ho, salamat." (Share na kami ngayon ni manong sa payong nya.) Ilang sandali lang ay may dumating na ring jeep, pinara ko. "Thank you po ulit," ang sabi ko kay manong bago ako tumakbong pasakay sa jeep. Sumagot naman sya, "sige, iha."

Napangiti ako habang nakaupo sa jeep. Naisip ko lang, tama pa rin ang kasabihang "Habang may buhay, may pag-asa." May mga maginoong lalaki pa pala sa ngayon. Sana mabuhay na sa pagkakahimlay ang ugaling pagiging maginoo ng mga lalaki. At sana matuto ring magpasalamat ang mga babae. Hay, kay tamis ng buhay kung ganon di ba? (Tunog commercial yata ito! *ngiting aso ulit*) At sana...hindi na matigas ang ulo ng isa dyan, magdala na ng payong always. :)

meron pa kaya? (episode 2)

Katatapos lang tumila ng malakas na ulan.  Pauwi na ako.  Mahaba ang pila sa sakayan ng jeep.  Biglang may dumating na bus.  Sumakay na ako kahit may mga nakatayo na.  Parang nangyari na 'to ilang linggo lang ang nakalipas.  Lumingon-lingon ako, mas marami nga lang lalaki ang nakatayo ngayon kumpara nung unang pagkakataon.  Sa kasuluk-sulokan ng aking isip ay may konti pang natitirang pag-asa na may magpapaupo sa akin sa pagkakataong ito.  Marami-rami rin ang mga lalaking nakaupo.  Lumipas ang ilang minuto...dumaan sa ilang stop light...nakatayo pa rin ako.  Sabi ko na nga ba sa sarili ko, "asa ka pa?"  Aasa pa ba ako sa susunod na pagkakataon?  Napaisip ako, talagang KKB na sa ngayon...Kanya Kanyang Buhay! Walang pakialamanan! Napaisip ulit ako, hindi ba ako mukhang babae?  Hay... :)

always

I used to bring my big umbrella these past few days due to scattered rain showers (remember: my trusted folding umbrella bid goodbye a couple of months ago).  Last Friday, I was reminded on the meaning of the word “always”.  I acted as an expert on weather forecasting on that day.  After seeing that the sky is clear, I decided to leave my big umbrella concluding that it will not rain.  The day just went fine as usual, just a typical day in the office.  I went home earlier than my usual Friday-going-home schedule.  About 3 rides away from our house (it usually takes me 5 rides going home), it started to rain.  It was manageable since it was just a drizzle.  A sudden downpour of rain fell from heaven when I was just about a tricycle ride away from home (I was in our village’s gate already).  Armed with just a jacket, I braved the strong rain just to get to the tricycle terminal.  O poor me, drenched with rain due to my so-called wise weather prediction.  I had this realization when I was riding the tricycle going home (actually I was riding at the back feeling more wet than before).  I thought…the weather is quite unpredictable, it may be sunny in the morning but it could be rainy in the latter part of the day.  No matter how expert you are in weather forecasting, it is always safe to be ready.  It also applies to spiritual life.  I just thought of the verse in the Bible that says, “Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)  Be always ready and on guard is my lesson for that day.  It’s better to be ready than sorry. :)

I Will Bow To You

Lord I will bow to You

To no other god

But You alone

Lord I will worship You

Nothing hands have made

But You alone

 

I will lay down my idols

Thrones I have made

All that has taken my heart

Lord I will bow to You

To no other god

But You alone

 

I've been reflecting this song lately.  The lines "I will lay down my idols, thrones I have made, all that has taken my heart" made me think if I really let go of my little idols, hidden thrones, and all that has captured my deceitful heart.

 

Lord, be the center of my life.

Appreciated

I’m feeling a certain “high” these past few days. No, it’s not because of a drug I’m using lately. Hahaha. :) It’s partly because of my new CD (a gift, actually) and a book (from a book bargain). Basically, I just feel so appreciated these days. I’ve quoted this verse before but then again I quote, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24) Encouraging words can really uplift a depressed soul or even change a life. Last Saturday, I happened to read a devotional article. It talked about a woman (named as Mary in John 12:3) who showed her lavish devotion to Jesus by anointing Him with perfume worth more than a year’s wages. Those who were present at that time became angry and asked, “Why this waste?” They expressed a concern for the poor instead. If they had been attending Jesus’ funeral rather than a dinner with Him, they may have reacted quite differently. The devotional just wanted to say that we need to break out our best perfumes for the living. Yet all too often we wait until someone we know has died to show the appreciation that we fail to show in life.

Show love to others young and old,
Encourage them while they are near;
For when they’ve gone to their reward,
Your loudest praise they will not hear.
- D. De Haan

On that same day (Saturday) while still reflecting on the appreciation lesson, I was thinking what it would feel if God Himself will appreciate me. If the appreciation of people gave me a certain “high” feeling, what more of God’s. (Reflect, reflect mood…) I was thinking what things I need to do to please God…be kind, do your best, obey Him, trust Him, pray, read and study the Bible, etc. I was inspired by the heroes of faith in the book of Hebrews lately. I’m trying to draw inspiration why these men and women of faith remained faithful though they had experienced many adversities and yet none of them received what had been promised. (You see, I think I’m in my Perseverance 101 class these days. *smiles*) It says in Hebrew 11:6, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

I was surprised to hear that our pastor’s message yesterday was entitled, “Highly Esteemed by God”. God must have been encouraging me. *smiles* It was a continuation on our study of the book of Daniel. The message has just three points to remember. To be highly esteemed by God, one must: 1) study the Scriptures, 2) apply the Scriptures, and 3) pray. (For a summary of our pastor’s message last Sunday, you may click “CCF” on the links section later this week.)

Two important lessons I’ve learned: 1) to appreciate others while they’re still alive, and 2) to live a life that pleases God so on that Day I’ll receive His “Well done, good and faithful servant…enter into the joy of your Lord.”

Lord, let my life be like a love song to Your heart.

meron pa kaya?

Medyo maulan ng pauwi ako kagabi galing ng office.  Hindi naman gaanong kahabaan ang pila para sa jeep pero biglang lumakas ang patak ng ulan.  Tamang-tama na may dumating na bus.  Naisip ko kahit nakatayo na lang ako sa bus basta hindi na lang mabasa ng ulan (actually may dala naman akong payong kaya lang medyo lumalakas na ang ulan).  Ok na rin kasi mukhang madalang ang pagdating ng mga jeep and at least umuusad na rin sa traffic kaysa naman sa maghintay pa ng jeep sa ilalim ng ulan.  Pagsakay ko ng bus, napaisip ako bigla, “sana may gentleman naman na magpaupo (wishful thinking!)”.  Lumingon-lingon ako sa paligid at medyo nabigla ako sa aking nakita.  Marami palang babae na nakatayo, sa palagay ko nauna pa sila sa aking nakasakay sa bus.  At marami ring lalaki ang nakaupo.  Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “asa ka pa?”  Pero syempre sinubukan ko namang i-justify ang mga lalaking nakaupo, malamang pagod rin sila sa work kasi yung iba tulog (o nagtutulog-tulugan lang?), ang iba naman ay malalim ang iniisip at malayo ang tingin sa labas ng bintana (o talagang nagpapatay-malisya lang, in short deadma!).  Napaisip tuloy ako, “meron pa kayang gentleman, I mean, gentlemen sa ngayon?”  Naisip ko ulit, “there’s always an exception naman, hindi siguro lahat ng men ganon, sana naman…” :)

Draw Me Close To You

Draw me close to you

Never let me go

I lay it all down again

To hear you say

That I'm your friend

 

You are my desire

No one else will do

'Cause nothing else

Can take your place

To feel the warmth

Of your embrace

Help me find the way

Bring me back to you

 

CHORUS:

You're all I want

You're all I've ever needed

You're all I want

Help me know you are near

 

 

This is my song to God these days.  James 4:8a "Come near to God and he will come near to you."  Jeremiah 29:13-14a "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  'I will be found by you,' declares the Lord."

 

O God, help me know you are near.

I'm trying...

I did my best but I guess my best wasn’t good enough…

 

A popular line of a song, this is what I’m feeling right now.  I tried my best as much as possible to come early or even just on time for work.  I made it on time yesterday; actually it was a buzzer beater.  So this morning I tried to leave our house earlier than usual.  I just don’t know where in the world the terrible traffic that I’ve encountered came.  It’s like the roads were full of cars, trucks, tricycles and more people.  There was a long waiting line in the FX terminal.  How I just wish I had wings to fly! Hehehe…  I’m kind of having the “I don’t deserve this” attitude again.  Thankfully, God reminded me again on this.  While sitting on the back area of the FX in the middle of the traffic, I had some realizations.  One, God is in control.  I know He has purpose on this situation.  Two, God must have been teaching me about patience again.  (Is this Patience 301 class?! Hehehe!)  And lastly, I should not give up; I should keep on keeping on.  I’m feeling quite discouraged already.  I was thinking of going home.  Thank God, He saw me through!  I guess I’m starting a new class…this is Perseverance 101! Oh how I wish I would pass! =)

Lately I’ve been busy balancing time with work, church ministries, family, social life, and some volunteer work.  But it seems that I’m spending less time with the most important person in my life - my God.  Though I’m trying to give Him time, the time I spend is just like sending a text message to a friend.  It’s not even a phone call or a chat.  The other night while I was listening to NOW Radio, a chorus of a song touched or even pierced my heart.  It was as if God is singing the chorus to me…I miss my time with you, those moments together, I need to be with you each day, and it hurts me when you say you’re too busy, how can you serve me when your spirit is empty?  I don’t know what to say.

To my Redeemer, Savior and Friend

I failed You again

I won't make any excuses

For I am guilty again

I'm so sorry

I ask for Your mercy

I'll make it up to you

Oh Lord please bless me

wala lang...

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the lord your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day by day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I would spare an extra minute or two to stop and say “I love you.”

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I’m sure you’ll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say “I love you,” and certainly there’s another chance to say “Anything I can do?” But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So, if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day that you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone what turned out be their last wish.

So, hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear. Tell them how much you love them and that you’ll always hold them dear.

Take time to say “I’m sorry”, “please forgive me”, “thank you”, or “it’s okay”.

And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.

Bakit kaya nakakasenti kapag umuulan? *winks*

eavesdropping accidentally

I use the elevator in our office building everyday.  In one of my usual trips in the elevator, I realized I’m actually eavesdropping to people’s conversations accidentally.  I didn’t deliberately listen to their different stories but what will I do, we are just less a meter apart.  Our office is located third from the top floor of the building so I am able to listen to a number of conversations.

Upon hearing their stories, some thoughts crossed my mind…

(Going up…) Two foreigners, a lady and a gentleman, were conversing in an unfamiliar language.  I’m not sure if it is Spanish or Portuguese.  (My thoughts:  How I wish I could also converse in a foreign language!  How I wish!)

(Going down…) Two middle-aged women were talking about how the sermon of a priest has touched their hearts.  From what I’ve understood, the topic was about the boy who gave his five loaves of bread and two fish (Jesus Feeds The Five Thousand story). One lady mentioned that she was amazed on the thought that you could offer God what you only have and He will multiply it.  (My thoughts: I’m reminded once again on the topic of giving.  I remembered the lady in the Bible who gave her last dime.  I remembered a portion of the song “I Offer My Life” – “…what can I give that You have not given, what do I have that is not already yours, all I possess is this life I’m living and that’s what I give to You Lord.”  There’s nothing too small or great in the hands of our Almighty God!  He’s just looking at our hearts.)

I wonder what I could learn from people’s conversations today.  I hope they would learn something from me too! =)

out of the blue fiction

A feeling, I don’t know, has captured my heart / Is this love, infatuation, admiration or what? / It seems growing every minute of every day / Oh please, please tell me why I feel this way? / My heart beats so fast / I don’t know when it will last / Oh gracious God if I may ask / Could you please bring this feeling to a halt?