ask for more?

Sometimes I tend to think that I deserve more in this life. Thank God He’s quick to bring me back to reality. Who deserves more? I don’t deserve anything but He’s just so gracious allowing me to experience good things…the air that I breathe, my great family, wonderful friends, techie gadgets, cute Suzuki, good books, my favorite comfy rubber slippers, a box of flat tops chocolate, good food – fried tilapia with atsara, ramen noodles, German franks and fried rice, homemade pizza and spag, etc., etc., etc………

Sometimes (or most of the time?) I’m just forgetful to count all the blessings God is giving to me. How great is God’s love lavished on us! What a wonderful God!

Dear Lord, how I long for contentment. Help me to be thankful not only for what I have received, but for what I have escaped. Teach me to think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear as I learn to have an attitude of gratitude. Amen.

*********

My guitar has no strings now. I decided to remove its more-than-6 years-almost-corroded strings. Nothing is really permanent in this world huh?! Anyway, as I’m looking at my stringless guitar, I thought “what’s the use of having a guitar without strings?” And then God reminded me, “what’s the use of living life without Christ?” :)

*********

Pics...

Sunset last May 19, 2006...currently my cellphone's wallpaper... hay, how great is our God! :)

Almost full moon last May 10, 2006... another "hay, how great is our God! :)"

"Traffic jam" -- some days I wish I could carry the car in my pocket or have "ala Back To The Future car"... hehe :)

another past-time during heavy traffic -- take some pictures!!!

goodbyes, driving lessons, crying moments, etc...

A week ago a dgroupmate of mine left for States. I was both sad and happy. I'm kinda used to it. We've been praying for it for some time now. Good thing there's the technology of email and text message..."malayo man, malapit din" (sounds like a telecom commercial ü).

End of 1st quarter already. Our Japanese language teachers will be leaving us. Huhuhu. :( They will go to Japan for further studies. I will definitely miss them especially our grammar teacher. It's seldom to find caring teachers nowadays who are passionate in their profession.

I've been driving a car for more than a month now. And I've been learning some driving lessons... be alert, don't forget to look at the side mirrors before changing lanes, don't drive when you're hungry (most likely you'll be hot-tempered and impatient), always wear seatbelt and most of all put on a lot of patience (for pasaway na drivers and traffic jams). There are days when it's like "traffic-jam day". :) Well, I've thought of some things to do during traffic jam... play your favorite song and do some "karaoke" (with matching banging your head and tapping the steering wheel...never mind the people looking at you thinking you're crazy...hehe)... think of brilliant ideas...like "how can you save gas during heavy traffic?" (I thought of having a "Flintstones mode button" where you could stick out your legs on the ground and walk or run with your car during heavy traffic...isn't it gas-saving? hehe). Well, it was said that with great power comes great responsibility (hello, spiderman?). I just thought that being able to drive a car is some kind of a power so every person driving a car has responsibility... that is to drive safely. :)

I have some crying moments recently. The Bible says, "there's time for everything... a time to weep..." Anyway, God is indeed in control and keeps on encouraging us during difficult times. He is seldom early and never late. He encouraged me through Tommy Walker's "He Know My Name" especially the line... "he sees each tear that falls and hears me when I call." I was reminded of Psalm 56:8 "...You have kept a record of my tears..." During my crying moment I heard "Cry On My Shoulder" by Overflow being played over the radio...speaking of God's perfect timing...He's so sweet! :)

Speaking of timing... I'm having some rhinitis attacks lately. I don't know if this was caused by the pollens in the campus...I started to have rhinitis attacks when I was in college due to the pollens in our campus. I have frequent sneezing moments and itchy eyes. Well, I'm staying at home and enjoying my very short vacation. God has just some ways of saying things to us. :)

Let me just share this prayer I've read from a book...
Dear Lord, help me remember that my ways are not always Your ways. Life does not always unfold as I plan or imagine. Help me accept the imperfections, the changes, and the unexpected events that come into my life. Teach me to embrace what I am given, without wasting my time grieving for what might have been. Amen.

various

Exam

Since I left my work two months ago, I've been experiencing new things. Welcome adjustments! I got used to wake up earlier than my usual wake up time. I'm learning to stay awake for a total of 8-hour lecture a day. Adjusting to different personalities of my classmates is another thing. Driving to school is quite a challenge. And most of all, there are inevitable exams! It's like you want to sing James Ingram's "I did my best but my best wasn't good enough.." everytime the test results are posted on the bulletin board. It's like a famous movie title "Tinimbang ka ngunit kulang!" Hehe :) It's just that I thought about God. Thank God for all the new things He's giving me and all the lessons I'm learning from these. Good thing He's a good God. :) I just thought that life is just a series of exams (as what Rick Warren mentioned in The Purpose Driven Life). There are patience exam, love exam, faithfulness exam, kindness exam, etc. And I hope that I would past each and every exam. Hehe :)

*******************

Traffic... Traffic... Traffic...

Patience is a virtue, so they say. Traffic is one of those "patience-busters". I'm getting used to this traffic but it never fails to trigger my not-so-long temper. Hehe :) This afternoon is the traffic-est of all. I tried every route going home from Diliman. Good thing I'm quite familiar with the alternate routes (thanks to our city atlas!). But... it's traffic everywhere! It took me about two hours to go home instead of the usual 1 hour ride. I thought of some wild ideas how to get home faster... I thought it would be better if there's a technology where I could make my car to a pocket-size one so I could put it in my pocket and I will just walk... or I wish there's a technology in the car where there's a button for wings and rocket (ala Back to the Future car!). Hay... I think I went home not losing my sanity thinking of ways to get home faster. Hehe :)

*******************

Nihongo

If there's one subject I'm enjoying the most this quarter.... it's quite unexpected but it's my Japanese class every morning. Haha, I expected it to be difficult at first but so far I'm enjoying... So desu ka! I think there's a teacher factor also. I appreciate my Japanese language teachers. It's like I want to be a teacher also! Hehe :)

It's quite difficult and so my other subjects but... Ganbatte kudasai! :)

Arithmetic

ARITHMETIC
by Brooke Fraser

I've been staring at the sky tonight
Marvelling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I've been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want
I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star
See I'd apologise my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

[Chorus]
I won't find what I am looking for
If I only "see" by keeping score
'Cos I know now you are so much more than arithmetic

'Cos if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the oneI want
When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one I want

========================================

I'm not good in math but I like this song. It's been playing over The Edge Radio lately. It has a good melody and I can relate to some of the lines. :)

Snippets...

Ganbatte kudasai!

(Give it your best shot! / Do your best!) This is one of my favorite Japanese phrases these days. I’m sort of struggling in my studies lately. But it’s a humbling experience actually. On the edge of giving up already but ganbatte kudasai, jia you, aza! Philippians 4:13!!! :)

Entertaining other suitors

I think I’m entertaining other suitors…haha…it’s very unlikely of me to talk about this. You know, this guy captured my heart many years ago when I decided to follow him. But now it seems I’m entertaining suitors. Hmm…well, the phrase ‘entertaining other suitors’ came up from our American pastor’s preaching few Sundays ago. Got stuck on my head and been thinking about it. I like the description of being spoken for in the Christian life.

Here’s the last paragraph in the message’s summary in our chronicle…
“What divides our heart and keeps it from being Christ’s alone? Could fear, doubt or anxiety be His rivals? Or is it a favorite sin? Is there a relationship not pleasing to God that we refuse to give up? Is our heart chasing after money and material things? Are we holding on to our jobs, our positions, our titles? Is God the only owner of our heart? We who are in Christ may well declare that we are already spoken for, but it may also be that we are still entertaining other suitors in our life.”

I’m asking God lately, “Are you happy with me? Do I make you proud?”

Wanted: Superhero

I’ve been hearing about superheroes recently. I’ve been fascinated about real life heroes. Their stories never fail to inspire and encourage me. I’ve heard a good insight on the Superman Returns movie. Superman, in his conversation with Lois, said something like, “You said, the world doesn’t need Superman, but everyday I hear people crying for one.” It’s like the world today. People look ok on the outside but deep inside there’s a vacuum. Everyone needs a superhero… the “original Superman” (just like a title of a song I’ve heard)…he heals the sick, saves us from our sins, creator of the universe, knows all things and our superfriend…he is Jesus. All we need to do is ask for help and he will be there.

I remember a chorus of a song… I need you Jesus to come to my rescue / Where else can I go? / No other name by which I am saved / Would you capture me with grace? / I will follow you.

Hakuna matata

I found this phrase so intriguing when a friend mentioned it in a text message. Well, I know it’s from Disney’s The Lion King but I don’t really know its meaning. I found out it is a Swahili saying meaning “no worries”. Literally translated, it means “worries I have none.” In Timon and Pumbaa’s song “Hakuna matata”, it means “no worries for the rest of your days.” In simple terms, “don’t worry be happy.” I’m a bit of a “worrier” these days. Worried about what? About many things…about life. God is so amazing. He has creative ways to remind and encourage His children.

Who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:27, 33).

breaking the silence

It’s over a month now since my last blog entry. Now, I’m breaking the silence. Hehe.
There were just some “news” happening in my life recently. I decided to study again. A lot of adjustments and still adjusting… But I’m thankful I’m learning lessons in life (I hope!). I had faced some relatively “new” feelings… leaving people whom I got used to see for almost three years, the same morning route going to the office, the elevator to the 33rd floor, the magnificent view of the metro, awesome cloud formations and beautiful sunset, scattered rainshowers and thunderstorms also. Haha, am I getting sentimental here?!

Anyway, I’ll be spending a year ahead with new set of people, place and routine. I have to get up earlier than usual to avoid traffic jam on my way to school. I must say, no TV viewing already or (at least spend less time on it) because I have to study and read a lot. I think I was just looking for some challenges before and now I’m up against extra challenges. Hehe.

Kids say the “coolest” things?

I’m also back in helping in the Sunday School ministry of our church this Sunday. I was absent for three consecutive Sundays. I saw a big “Happy Moving Up Day!” sign at the floor’s lobby. Kids will move up a level higher starting this Sunday. It’s just like in regular school where kids become a level higher each year. This time, the teachers will also move up. It’s like first day of school when there are “misplaced” kids. It’s good to see kids who were your students before. Though it’s physically taxing to handle kindergarten kids, it’s a learning and rewarding experience. My co-teacher’s lesson was about Samson. She mentioned about the rule on Samson not to cut his hair. As I was helping my co-teacher reviews the lesson with the kids, a kid blurted out and told me, “but you cut your hair, teacher!” With all the kids looking at me, I just smiled and explained to the kid that I’m not Samson. Hehe. We have some free time after doing the crafts. Kids love to just run around the room and play with other kids. J (the same kid in my previous blog entry) wanted to ride my back (as if I were a horse). Since he’s relatively small, I agreed to be his horse. We played “horse” while we were waiting for his parents to pick him up. When his achi came to fetch him, I put him down. J told me, “horsey (referring to me), see you next week…babalik ako next week horsey ha!” Hay, kids have simple joys. Hehe.

Ronin

I’ve learned from my teacher last week about ronin. Ronin is the term used to refer to samurais who have no master. Those ronins usually committed hara-kiri to bring back their honor. The typical samurai has a master and he sees himself as dead already for his master that’s why he fights until death. Thoughts crossed my mind as my teacher continues to deliver his lecture. Thoughts of… “a chance to die”, “Christians have Jesus as their master so they are willing to lay down their lives”, “those people who are lost are like ronins”. It’s just amazing how God speaks to his people.

24 on 24

This year, my age is equal to the day of my birth. I think of it as a rare phenomenon. It’s like a solar eclipse, a meteor shower or man’s first step on the moon. Hehe. I’m thankful God has allowed me to see this beautiful world, meet beautiful people, and live a beautiful life. :) I just pray I will be able to accomplish His purpose for my life and live for His glory alone. I think I’m now living my life on the edge! :)

Speaking of THE EDGE, the long wait is over, THE EDGE is near… THE EDGE Radio will air over 91.5FM, 6pm-6am starting July 1, 2006. Thank God! (What a good belated birthday gift for me! Hehe) Let’s hang on THE EDGE! :)

J and K

Initials of my two cute students in Sunday School.

 

J is a chinito, cute, little 4-year-old boy.  K is long haired, chinita-like, girly 4-year-old kid.  They get along very well.  I think it's because their parents belong to same discipleship group so they got to spend time together aside from Sunday School.  We (the teachers) find them so cute as a couple.  They have their own world when they are seated together (which is quite a problem for us, teachers).  They have no care with their surroundings.  You could see their happy faces whenever they're together.  Perfect Picture!  Not until three Sundays ago when J came to class with his cousin, P.  J is such a picture of a gentleman in a boy's body.  He is so protective of P (just as he used to be with K).  He even fixed P's shoe laces.  Sweet guy!  At this time, you can see K was jealous.  She has a sad aura since then, not the usual bubbly and lively K.  Last Sunday, K came early for the class while J came late.  K has a sad face.  J's cousin, P, was not with him that Sunday.  The kids have free time after they're done with their crafts.  J went to K's table.  They chatted.  They giggled.  K's face lighted up.  J made fun of himself to entertain K.  Then their parents came to pick them up...

 

I wish I would know if they would end up together in the future!  :)

promise

People usually say, "promises are made to be broken".  Well, I have a high regard for promises.  I believe it has something to do with word of honor.  Though I break some of my promises from time to time, I try to remember all the promises I made to people.  O my, am I hinting people to remind me of the promises I made?  I think I should make a list, huh?  Or should I say, "some promises are made to be broken unintentionally"?  Hehe

 

Why this topic of promise?  Ah, it's just that I've been encountering this word for nth time in the past days.  Actually, I think 'promise' is a close cousin of 'remember'.  I was reminded that God remembers His covenants or promises.  He remembers specific requests of people...even the littlest requests.  He remembers what we do for Him.  With this in mind, I make a conscious effort to think twice or thrice before I ask a request to Him and before I do something.  God really remembers.  I remember Henry Blackaby's advice, "Oh Lord, if I ever give you a request and have more to give me than I am asking, cancel my request!"  So far I think I'm in this season in my life where God is remembering my requests.  Well, He always answers anyway, we just have to be ready when He answers.  I just pray that He'll cancel my requests if He has more to give me than I'm asking. hehe :)  But of course, there is a time element here... between the time I ask my request and the time God grants my request or in another case the time God made a promise and the fulfillment of the promise.  The term for that time element is wait.  Thank God, I'm learning the art of waiting.  There's really a lot of learnings from waiting... and not just learnings but also benefits. 

 

God keeps His promises to show His faithfulness.

i like this guy!

I first heard about this guy in the early 90's.  He's not really the kind of guy who's an eye-catcher...for me.  I remember I don't even like his hairstyle then.  But I admire him.  He's musically gifted and a family man.  Haha, before I create some confusions here, let me say that I'm speaking of Steven Curtis Chapman.  Well, he's coming here in Manila for a concert on May 7 and I can't wait to see him even only from a distance. hehe I hope he'll bring Shaohannah with him too :)  I'm not really a big fan of him but I think I'm getting there...hehe.  :)

 

Been thinking about my relationships lately...with God, family, friends and other people.  I think I'm not a 'social' type of person but thank God, He's been teaching me little by little about relationships... And it's one thing I've been reflecting about for the past week.  Quite emotional due to a series of circumstances.  I said goodbye to the office, feeling broken hearted thinking I'll be gone in a few weeks.  I've learned to love the place and the people.  Sigh.  I've heard sad news of death from people relatively close to my family.  Anyway, I remember the statement "life is all about relationships" in Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life.  I also remember "there's a time for everything" in the book of Ecclesiastes.  By the way, I didn't see the meteor shower two weeks ago but I was able to watch the Steven Curtis Chapman special episode of 1Cubed.  God is so sweet, no one beats His sweetness, I won a CD in a text contest.  I think He's kinda cheering me up for my failure to see any meteor shower that morning. :) 

 

I got the CD yesterday -- Steven Curtis Chapman All About Love Album.  According to Steven, it's an album about God's gift of relationships, a celebration of love and relationships, that's it.  This could be a wonderful exclamation point to God's message to me for the week.  Steven is such a sweet guy, each song is like a musical love note to Mary Beth.  I think you're not being biased, Mary Beth, when you said that your husband is such a superb wordsmith!  I strongly agree.  What more can I say?  Hmm... I'm just enjoying my new CD for now.  Dear God, thank you for relationships -- such a wonderful gift! :)

 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

I'm 23.  Nothing new.  I couldn't believe.  I just don't know.  I used to plan.  Seems so sure.  Not at all.  Can't understand.  Feel insignificant.  Useless.  Meaningless.  You think so?  Maybe.  I think so.  I don't know.  Walk away?  Escape?  Where?  Feeling down.  Seems so strange.  Why?  You're asking why?  Some sort of emotion swing.  Like mood swing?  Hmm..  Don't grow weary.  Hang on.  Press on.  Keep on keeping on.  It will pass.  Soon?  Soon.  You'll see.  I will see.