Without You

Without You
By Brian & Joyce Doerksen

Without you I would have no hope
I’d be all alone without you
Without you I could not be strong
I could not go on without you
Without you

Who would I be if you didn’t love me
Who would I be without you
Who would I be if you didn’t save me
Who would I be without you

Without you life would make no sense
Dreams would always end without you
Without you spring would not appear
Storms would never clear without you
Without you
©2000 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing

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This is one of my favorite Vineyard songs. I used to sing this song when I was in college reminding myself that apart from God I am nothing. Year 2005 is about to end in a day and 9 hours. Reflecting on things we have accomplished this year, may we not forget to thank and attribute those successes to the Master, the Author of Life.

Another year of His goodness, another year of His faithfulness. May we all have a blessed and Christ-filled New Year! :)

More

The chorus of Matthew West's song “More” sings:

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine
And you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today and tomorrow
I’ll say it again and again
I love you more


I was reminded by God’s unfailing love towards mankind. “…and thought of me above all” is my favorite line in another song. God loves us more than we could imagine. I usually say “I love you, Jesus” whenever I want to express my love for Him and now I could imagine Him replying, “I love you more!”

They say it is during Christmas season that there is a high suicidal rate. They say it is because of the cold weather, busyness of people, etc. I really don’t know why. I had my down seasons this year and sometimes felt alone and left out. But God is reminding me of His great love everywhere – look at the sun, sky, trees, birds in the air, rainbow.

Speaking of rainbow, I have this chance to see one the other day from the window of our office. I haven’t seen a rainbow for quite sometime and I was again reminded of God’s faithfulness even if I’m kinda whining why I still have to go to work while everybody else are having their vacation. :) My officemates said there was a rainbow again yesterday but I wasn’t able to see it. Maybe God is just reiterating His faithfulness again because I’m kinda whining again yesterday?! Hehehe :)

Early this week I had a chance to splurge on books because of book sale. It is as if “I want more (books)!” is playing in the tape recorder of my mind all this time. Actually I had some “deliberation moments” just before I went to the cashier, I was thinking carefully what books I have to leave (due to my limited budget). Good thing I got enough discounts to buy the book I was supposed to leave. Thank God! :)

May these new books of mine draw me closer to God and not the other way around (I’m kinda OC with books). I pray that I would really say to God from the bottom of my heart – “I love you more than my books and my mp3s and my gadgets and my life, I love you yesterday and today and tomorrow I’ll say it again and again I love you more!” :)

alaala

Habang nasa gitna ako ng isang matinding traffic nitong nakaraang araw, naisip kong magmunimuni at magbalik alaala.

Ilang araw na lang at magiging isang alaala na lang ang taong 2005.  Hay, kay bilis ng araw, parang kailan lang...

2005...alaala ng maraming tao at bagay -- isang dagdag taon sa buhay ko, sa katapatan ng Diyos sa akin; pilat sa aking binti -- alaala ng isang aksidente at patuloy na pag-iingat ni God; mga bagong kaibigan at kakilala, mga pinagtibay na pagkakaibigan at samahan -- alaala ng mga biyaya ng Diyos; mga panahon ng paghihintay at mga aral na patuloy na natutunan mula dito -- alaala na marami pang tinuturo si God; mga regalong natanggap -- alaala ng mga taong nagmamahal at kumakalinga, ang umaapaw na pag-ibig ng Diyos...

 

isang taon na pala si blog...Ü

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Why should I feel discouraged
And why should the shadows come
Why should my heart be lonely
And long for Heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion
My constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me

I sing because I am happy
I sing because I am free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me

Let not your heart be troubled
His tender words I hear
And resting on His goodness
I lose all my doubts and all of my fears
Tho’ by His path He leadeth
Tho’ just one step I may see
God’s eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me

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This song reminds me of God’s sovereignty. Sometimes I thought that everything is out of control. There are many things that can make us become discouraged – may it be in our country’s political situation, price hike of almost all the goods in the market, career, love life, family, our own self, etcetera and etcetera… We need to be reminded that God is in control and we just have to trust Him!

What a comfort to know that there is a God who watches over us, who cares for us and who has the best plan for our lives!

Monthsary

I happened to watch an episode of Oprah the other day. It made me think on certain issues in life. The episode was about two cases of husbands’ brutality to their wives and children. In the first case, the wife was killed. I watched a little late so I wasn’t able to grasp the whole story. In the second case, the wife survived the husband’s attack. She suffered over 59 stabbed wounds. Actually, the doctors stopped counting at 59. Her husband suffocated their 9-year-old daughter with a pillow and strangled their 7-year-old son with his bare hands. According to the wife, her husband never lifted a finger on her in their 14 years of marriage. Her husband was loving and a very hands-on father. He was even a scout master and a tennis coach. I was left wondering how a loving husband and father could do such a horrible thing to his family. This reminded me of a statement I heard before… “The second most important decision in life is choosing your life partner.” By the way, the most important decision in life is accepting Jesus as your personal Savior and Lord.

As Karen (the wife who survived) was fighting for her life, she related that she came to a point when she was thinking if she would fight for her life or not. She decided to live. I was reminded that the mind is very powerful. So I would be careful on what I feed to it. I should not dwell on negative things. Oh how I wish it is just so easy to do it!

I was just thinking that some people could not view God as He truly is because they view Him like their earthly father. They associated God with how their earthly father projected themselves. Philip Yancey explored this concept in his book “Reaching for the Invisible God”. I was left wondering – how would Karen’s kids view God if ever they survived their father’s attack?

I noticed that Karen didn’t mention God in her statement when Oprah asked why she is moving on with her life and decided to come out to the public. She said she has her family and friends helping her to cope. And she would like to give comfort to those people who are in the same boat with her. When she would say, “I understand” she really meant it because she had gone through it. I shared this with a good friend and she gave an equally good insight – “maybe Karen is still in the stage of questioning God why this tragedy happened to her”. I really don’t know but I admired her “others-centered” attitude though.

I thought of my own “dark night of the soul” experiences and how I cope with it. I used to sing an old hymn… Because He lives, I can face tomorrow; because He lives, all fear is gone; because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the same comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

Well, it’s my monthsary today, November 6, 2005! I’m sort of a ‘countdown’ enthusiast these days. Or should I say I’m back with my old habit again just like in college days. Oh no, this is not about my love life, notice the pronoun “my”. It’s been a month since that blessed day street accident of mine. That’s it – happy monthsary to me, especially to my foot! I’m just thankful God gave me an “extension” to live.

mindset

When I was in college I used to have a countdown for sembreak and summer vacation. I was always homesick then so it's some kind of a mind game I play to ease my homesickness problem. I was thinking then to invent a pill that will cure homesickness...hehehe :) It's true that 'necessity is the mother of all inventions'. :) A college friend used to encourage me with her quotable quote: "It's all in the mind."

Last Sunday I remembered her friendly advice during the message of our pastor. When we are faced with problems God has an offer we can't refuse but often do -- "Cast all your cares on him for he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) We can choose to cast all our burdens to God or just keep it to ourselves. We have an option to look at our problems from our own perspective or to look at it from a 'galactic point of view'. This is where our mindset matters. It's an amazing thought to look at our problems from a 'galactic point of view'. It's like this...Milky Way is one of the billions of galaxies God created. Solar system is one of the systems in the Milky Way. The earth is one of the nine planets orbiting around the sun in the solar system. And human beings are just a tiny dot on the earth. So how big is your problem anyway? It's interesting to note the word 'cast'. It literally means 'to throw', 'to dump'. God is offering us His broad shoulders. He can carry all of our problems. Why would we cast our burdens to Him? The logic is: He cares for us. God is mindful of the every detail of our lives. This doesn't mean that we will not do our part to solve our problems. God has given us intellect. We should do our best and let God do the rest. There's a different kind of peace we experience when we cast our burdens to Him. Philippians 4:6-7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." It's peace in the midst of a storm which is also scientifically true.

I was struggling to change my mindset for this week. You see, I was thinking of 'comfort' and 'to relax' but something came up that changed my plans. God cheered me up when He reminded me of a sandwich spread TV commercial, "Isipin mo na lang..." In this case..."Isipin mo na lang na God's plan 'yan!" Wow, I'm getting excited na! :)

NEED YOU NOW

Written by Jack Parker and Chris Tomlin

Time for me to step out on the water
Time for me to just loose my hold
And its time for me to leave here all that I’ve hoped for
Could you take me where I need to go

I am waiting for your love
I am reaching for your touch
Lost without you God reach down
I need you now, I need you now

© 2000 WORSHIPTOGETHER.COM SONGS / SIX STEPS MUSIC / ASCAP / Admin. by EMI Christian Music Publishing

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There will come a time when God will ask you to go out of your comfort zone, step out to the unknown and let go of your hold in your life.

Could you take me where I need to go? I need you now, I need you now!

THIS IS OUR GOD

Written by Chris Tomlin and Jesse Reeves

A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm
This is our God
He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years
This is our God
Oh… this is our God

A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken
This is our God
And He brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness
This is our God
Oh… this is our God

This is the One we have waited for
This is the One we have waited for
This is the One we have waited for
Oh… this is our God

A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful
This is our God

Oh Lord...
You are the One we have waited for
You are the One we have waited for
You are the One we have waited for
Oh… this is our God

© 2000 WORSHIPTOGETHER.COM SONGS / SIX STEPS MUSIC / ASCAP / Admin. by EMI Christian Music Publishing

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There is no one like our God.
He is the One we have waited for.
How could I love any other?

waiting in vain?

I'm just amazed with this 'waiting' thing.

I think I've been doing this 'waiting' thing most of my life.

...I waited to come out to this beautiful world (I was borne 2 weeks later than my mom's expected date of delivery)

...waiting... - e.g. in jeepney terminal, in fx terminal, in fast food chain, entrance in malls, in getting cash from ATM, in logging-in/out in the office, in getting water from the dispenser, in heating the food in the microwave oven, in crossing the street, etc.

Sometimes, oh rather most of the time, it's kinda boring when you are on the 'waiting' side. It makes you think "am I waiting in vain?" especially when the 'waiting' time takes longer than expected. But I'm sort of learning the 'art of waiting'. You'll wait because you choose to wait. And why you will choose to wait? Because you believe you will have what you've been waiting for.

When I look back in the past I remembered two turning points in my life where I can say "it's worth the wait!". I'm thankful to God that I made a right choice to wait for His perfect timing.

I checked a concordance to look for the occurrence of the word 'wait' in the Bible. The list of passages with the word 'wait' is quite long. I was wondering why Solomon didn't include a line like "a time to wait and a time to stop waiting..." in Ecclesiastes. Hmmm... But it is interesting to note that the King James Version (KJV) used the word 'wait' while the New International Version (NIV) used the word 'hope'. 'Wait' and 'hope' used interchangeably? Hmmm...

Isaiah 40:31 (KJV) "but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (NIV) "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Lamentations 3:25 (KJV) "The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him." (NIV) "The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him."

I just remembered the heroes of faith in Hebrews 11. They all waited in one way or another. Verse 39: "These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised." What a great faith even if...

I will wait even if it'll take a lifetime.

"Gusto ko..."

“Gusto ko ng sports car…yung red!”
“Ito ang gusto ko!”

Ilan ito sa mga TV commercial ads na naalala ko tungkol sa “gusto”. Nakakatuwa si God kasi kahit sa mga ads na ito may mga bagay Sya na gustong sabihin, gustong ipahiwatig sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung pinapalabas pa yung mga ads na ‘yan pero ang mga ito ay nag-iwan sa akin ng mga aral na pinaaalala sa akin ni God paminsan-minsan.

Sa mga nakaraang mga araw, napansin ko na marami akong gusto…gustong gawin at gustong bilhin. Dati rati, hindi ko alam ang gusto ko, kasi nasanay lang siguro ako na kung ano ang nandyan ok na sa akin. Kahit sa prayers, minsan lang ako humingi kay God ng tiyak na bagay. Natututunan ko ngayon na gusto pala ni God na sinasabi sa kanya kung ano talaga ang gusto mo, lahat ng detalye, kumpleto kung pwede lang. Sa ganitong paraan malalaman mo rin na sinagot na pala ni God yung prayer mo. ‘Yan ang lesson ko dun sa first tagline ng commercial. Kasi kung matatandaan nyo hindi nasabi nung lalaki ang buong detalye ng request nya, binigay tuloy sa kanya kalahating sports car pero red in color naman. :) At kung maaalala nyo rin, kalahati kasi yung biscuit na binigay nya dun sa old lady di ba? Nakita ko lang dun na dapat buo ang trust natin kay God at walang pag-aalinlangan gaya ng faith ng mga tao sa Hebrews 11, kahit anong mangyari, kahit matupad man o hindi ang mga pinagdarasal nila, kahit sobrang tagal ng sagot ni God, buong-buo ang trust nila kay God. Sana nga lang ganon kadaling gawin ang lahat ng mga sinasabi ko noh! :) Syempre, dapat in accordance with God’s will pa rin ang mga request. Nakakatuwa talaga si God, sobrang galing nya. Sobrang pasensyoso Sya sa mga taong tulad ko na makulit at kung minsan ay matigas ang ulo. Palagi na lang ako, “Ito ang gusto ko…ito ang gusto ko…ito ang gusto ko!” Kulang na lang mag-rally ako kay God. :) Nakakalimot akong magtanong sa Kanya ng... “God, ano po pala ang gusto Nyong gawin ko?” o kaya naman “God, ano po ang gusto Nyo para sa akin?” Hay, minsan kasi nakakalimot ako na hindi na nga pala ako ang tsuper ng buhay ko… pilit kong inaagaw ang manibela sa mas nakakaalam na magpatakbo ng buhay ko at Sya mismo ang nagbigay nito. Minsan kasi masarap ang feeling kapag may nagawa ka na ikaw lang mag-isa ang gumawa, walang hinihinging tulong sa ibang tao. Akala ko napakalaking bagay ang nagawa ko pero kung susuriing mabuti ay sobrang liit lang pala, gahibla lang ng buhok. Kung iisipin mo lang talaga wala kang magagawa sa sarili mo lang kakayahan. Sabi nga sa Bible, “Apart from God, we can do nothing!” May pagkaulyanin lang yata ako paminsan-minsan. Puro akala ko, akala ko… akala ko kaya ko, hindi naman pala…akala ko gusto ko, pero ‘pag binigay na nya hindi pala ‘yon ang gusto ko o kaya may gusto ulit akong iba… Siguro nabatukan na ako ni God sabay sabi, “Ano ba talaga ang gusto mo ha?!” Back to square one na naman tayo nyan, “ano nga ba ang gusto ko?” Hindi ko talagang kilala ang sarili ko kaya dapat tinatanong na lang ulit si God kung ano ang gusto nya para sa akin. Total, Sya naman ang mas nakakaalam. Minsan naguguluhan rin ako sa Kanya…sabi nya maging specific sa prayers tapos madalas hindi naman nya sinasagot. Hehehe…ang ultimate goal ni God sa prayer ay ang character development natin. Napansin ko lang, sa umpisa ng Christian life ko, feeling ko lahat ng prayers ko sinasagot Nya kahit ultimo napakaliit na bagay, “yes!” ang sagot. Tapos ng lumaon, aba parang pakonti ng pakonti ang sinasagot ni God. ‘Yon pala He’s building yung trust ko sa Kanya, pinapa-grow Nya yung faith ko. Siguro kung magsasalita lang si God in audible voice, “Anong tingin mo sa akin, isang genie? Hindi mo ba alam na makakasama sa ‘yo yang hinihingi mo sa akin?” ‘Yon yung mga “no” na sagot ni God. Kung minsan naman makakasama sa atin ‘sa ngayon’ kung ibibigay nya agad yung hinihingi natin sa Kanya. Kaya ‘wait’ ang sagot Nya. Trust lang kay God, perfect timing Sya always! :)

Kailangan lang talaga na maging close kay God palagi para malaman kung anong gusto Nya.

Hmmm…alin kaya sa mga gusto ko ang gusto ni God para sa akin? :)

"what if..."

...God will tell me I have only 24 hours to live?

Whaaaah...what am I going to do? Hmmm...do the things I want to do (e.g. study how to play violin and flute, study photography, learn surfing and diving, visit tourist spots in the Philippines, read all the books I want to read, etc). Hehehe...as if I could do all these things in just 24 hours. :) I will just spend it with my family and friends. Maybe I'll have a big party for them. God has just reminded me of the importance of time. Every second counts so I should live my life meaningfully and with eternity in mind.

...I was blessed with only one leg?

Hmmm...I would live a normal life. Do the things I want to do. I would not ask God any questions about it. Hmmm...easier said than done. I really appreciate my right leg these days. It's really impossible to walk with just one leg. Thank God nothing serious happened to my right leg and foot. They'll be fine in the coming weeks, yehey! :)

...God would call me to live a life of single blessedness?

Ahh...Hmm...maybe I'll ask Him if He is really serious..."God, the essence of being a woman is to get married and have children, isn't it?" or "God, you know, I am willing to wait...make it 2 years, 5, 10, you're the boss, I'll wait...please!!!" hehehe. :D Kidding aside, I'll do anything for my Savior. If He says so, I'll obey. :)

These thoughts just crossed my mind during my free time (had lots of free time these past few days). :) God is just giving me "heart check-ups" from time to time. I hope He finds that He is the One seated on the throne all the time and the love of my life. :)

Whatever happens, good or bad...I'll be reminded that...

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you can't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

another chance to live

I woke up few minutes earlier than usual on that blessed day. I’m trying my very best to be at least on time in every appointment (you see, I have 9AM appointments daily at work, hehehe). My brother had an 8AM class so we left the house at about 7:40 AM. Around 7:45 AM, I was sitting near the island of the road, my right shoe about two feet away from me, my world seemed to stop suddenly. No, I was not out of my head to do such a thing in the middle of the road, I was slightly hit by a car. I forgot that the police allowed a counter flow traffic at that time. I was so used to look at the right side when crossing that part of the street. By God’s grace, I’m just suffering from a sprained right foot and bruises. Is this another wake up call from God? Wake me up from what?

I’ve been contemplating on my life lately. I guess this is just another refining work of God in my life. Still don’t know what is God’s specific purpose at this time but I’m sure His plan is the best. For the mean time, I had some realizations…

…I’ll regard life as extra precious gift from God. When I can’t think of something to be thankful for, I’ll be reminded to thank God for the life He has given me, I’m still breathing and I’m alright.

…I’ll be extra loving and sweet to everyone. I’ll cherish each second whenever I’m with a person – may he/she be a family, friend, church mate, or even a stranger. I just don’t know when God will call me home.

…I appreciate Jesus’ sacrifice for me even more. I had this bruise on my leg and sometimes I can’t bear the pain when I’m putting antiseptic on it. I thought…this pain I can’t bear was nothing compared to the excruciating pain my Savior had suffered just to save me. O what an amazing love that is – He laid down His life for us!

…I felt extra loved by people. I thank God for the awesome love He showed me through those people who – sent text messages, called over the phone, visited me personally, assisted me in my daily needs, prayed for me. I thank you all for your love and concern. I really thanked God for making me feel extra significant these days. :)

Though what happened to me seems not good at this time, I still hold on to my life verse, Romans 8:28, that says: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.”

I just want to say, “thank you”
It’s all that I could say
Thank you, Lord, for loving me.

when the feeling is gone

There are days when I feel so close to God.  It seems that I'm madly in love with Him.  Every single cell in my body is happy (sounds like a line in a song?!). It's like I'm holding hands with Him and feeling His warm hugs.  I can't get Him out of my head. Everywhere I go I feel His presence and I see Him in every little thing happening in my life.  But there are days when it seems that the feeling is gone.  I'm feeling blank.  I don't feel His presence...  I believe this is a time when God chooses to be silent.  Feelings should not be the basis.  As the Bible says, "the heart is deceitful above all things..."  We cannot trust our feelings.  It should not be the foundation.  Though I'm quite inexperienced in the matter of love, I've learned so far that love is a mixture of mind and heart.  When I don't feel loved by God, I just go back to His love letters to me found in His Word - The Bible.  "...the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever."  "Heaven and earth will fade but His word will still remain."  I will trust in His unfailing love...though I don't feel His presence, though He seems so far away, though I don't feel His warm hugs.  God always pursues us with His love, He is always the iniatiator.  Maybe He just wants us to pursue Him with our love but come to think of it, He is also the one giving us the feeling to love Him and pursue Him.  O, what a loving God He is!  So when the feeling is gone I would just remind myself...Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so... :)

zaijian?

I am thankful that my mom is always there to care and fix things for us.  Lately, she made an inventory of our shoes, patiently labeling each shoe box with the corresponding shoes inside.  (Hehehe, sometimes we kids are always dependent to our parents...hay, it's difficult to raise kids these days.Ü) I have several old shoes that need repair.  We are sort of sentimental people - don't want to let go of the things that have sentimental value to us.  I remembered a time when I shed a tear or two for my broken watch.  (So babaw of me, huh?  Crying for an inanimate object.  We used to cry for our dead pet dog and fish too.  Hehehe.)  She brought all my shoes that have to be repaired to a shoe shop.  God is good and all of my shoes were neatly repaired - good as new!  (You see, I wear size 3 of rubber shoes, kids size in leather shoes, one size smaller than the smallest size displayed in the ladies' section of shoe shelves.)  I really treasure my shoes.  But it seems that God is giving me some 'heart check-up' from time to time to see if I'm loving my possessions more than I love Him whenever something was broken.  I have this attitude of being 'loyal' even to things, 'stick to one' habit.  I will not let go of the thing until it is broken or if it was broken, I will have it repaired and then use it again.  It's hard for me to say goodbye and to let go of things, more so of people.  I just thought of God...I thank Him for being so loyal...I guess "faithful" is more appropriate word to use.  He's so faithful even if I'm broken...need some repair...prone to fail...always unfaithful.  He never let me go.  I remembered a line in Philip Yancey's Reaching for the Invisible God that says, "Some things are loved because they are worthy; some things are worthy because they are loved."  How beautiful is God's unfailing love towards me.  Can't understand how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.  God is always mindful of me.  Thank you God for loving me.  I'm just amazed. :)

 

Praise You God of earth and sky

How beautiful is Your unfailing love

Unfailing love

And You never change, God, You remain

The Holy One, my unfailing love

Unfailing love

 

 

tine decides to live

I am looking for my heart.

What makes you come alive?  What stirs your heart?

...in the heart of every man is a desparate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.

Not every woman wants a battle to fight, but every woman yearns to be fought for.  Every woman also wants an adventure to share.  And finally, every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil.

Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive because what the world needs are men who have come alive.

-- John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

 

I feel like my life is in some kind of a routine lately.  I am getting bored.  I just don't know.

Last Saturday on my way home after a church activity, I did something unusual to break the routine.  I preferred a certain route on my way home - sort of a shortcut because I'm avoiding the heavy traffic in the main road.  But that day there was no jeep on that particular route.  There were tricycles but those have another route.  Armed with my umbrella (it's drizzling that time), I decided to walk.  It's quite a distance but I enjoyed my walking.  The chorus of Chris Tomlin's Unfailing Love kept on playing in my mind...Praise You God of earth and sky, How beautiful is Your unfailing love, Unfailing love, And You never change, God, You remain, The Holy One my unfailing love, Unfailing love.  When there was no one around I stole those moments to blurt out in singing.  Good thing the rain didn't pour hard. :)  I walked for about 15 minutes.  I had a chance to reflect while walking.  You can feel God's presence everywhere if you will just be aware of it.  That night till the first few hours the following day (Sunday), I had a great time alone with God.  In my reflective mood I browsed over my old books.  Then I stumbled on those words by John Eldredge...I am looking for my heart.  It seems to put into words the thing I'm feeling for quite some time now.  There are still some things I have to settle with God.  But God is really faithful when He said, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you."  God's message preached by our American pastor yesterday was entitled "Getting Centered".  What a timing!  God is indeed speaking to me.  We usually end our Sunday Worship service with a fast song but yesterday our pastor wanted it to end in a meditative slow song..."Heart of Worship".  It's one of my favorites but its lyrics have come alive especially the lines...Longing just to bring something that's of worth that will bless Your heart...I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus.  Since it's a matter of the heart I find the words of another song as my prayer...Purify my heart, cleanse me Lord, I pray, Remove from me all that is standing in the way of Your love.

 

I've been looking for a particular book since the beginning of the year.  It's entitled, "A Chance to Die".  It was out of print based from one source that I've asked before.  I was about to give up my search for the book when God made a way for me to find a bookstore that has a lower price for special order of that book.  I don't usually buy expensive books.  It's been over a month now since I inquired about the book.  The bookstore personnel told me then that it depends on the availability of the book in the market.  So it was still not so sure.  Thank God, after more than a month's time of waiting, I was able to hold the book yesterday (though there was a little price adjustment).  I'm fascinated by real life heroes, history-makers and people who made a difference in this world.  I'm also hoping this life of mine will count.

 

Jesus, I decide to live...live a life that shouts Your fame.

I Love To Love You Lord

I love to say how much I love You

The longing of my heart is to please You

Lord I'm not here to complain about my many problems

By Your Spirit and Your grace

I'm confident You'll solve them

 

I'm here to say I love You

I'm here to say I adore You

I'm here to say I love You

I love to love You Lord

 

**********************************

A song sung by Ron Kenoly's two sons in his album Welcome Home.  I found myself singing the song while I'm on my way to work this morning.  In my mind, I am really thinking on ways how to serve God more.  Then I read this statement from Bruce Wilkinson's Secrets of the Vine - "God didn't want me to do more FOR Him.  He wanted me to be more WITH Him."  It's time to re-focus my thinking...

wake up call

God is really good! He is giving me wake up calls just in time. Last night, I received a wake up call from God. After a church event, I had a slight headache. But then the level of pain was rapidly increasing while I was on my way home. I experienced the worst of all headaches I’ve ever had in my life so far. I can’t bear the pain. I thought God was calling me home na. Well, God saw me through the night. God gave me a good sleep. I was able to go to office today. I was able to write this blog entry now... Anyway, I think God was just getting my attention. It seems that I’m just lax these past few days…just going with the flow of life. I think God was just reminding me on what should be the priorities of my life. God, thank you for the wake up call. I’m awake na po. I hope You will never get tired of waking me up. :)

meron pa kaya? (episode 4)

Galing ako sa mid-week Bible study sa church kagabi. Medyo malakas ang ulan nung pauwi na ako… pero ok lang kasi na-enjoy ko naman ang paglalakad ko papunta sa sakayan ng jeep… singing in the rain and pasipol-sipol pa! Mahaba ang pila sa jeep…so as usual bus ang second option ko… ang dami kasing taong nag-aabang ng masasakyan…salamat sa Diyos at nakasakay ako ng bus kahit nakatayo nga lang.

Naappreciate ko si manong bus driver kasi medyo swabe ang pagdrive nya sa traffic kaya hindi ako masyadong nahirapan kahit nakatayo at maraming tao… Naappreciate ko yung sounds sa bus -- ganda ng sound quality ng speakers... sabi ng kanta sa bus "tell me where it hurts now tell me..." Naisip ko si God, parang sinasabi Nya sa akin na kapag may hurts and cares ako dapat sa kanya ko unang sinasabi. Ang sabi naman ng next song... "cause I love the way you love me..." Song ko naman dapat ito kay God kasi kahit anong kulit ko, reklamador and all, love pa rin Nya ako. To God: "Hay, love mo ko talaga!" (parang sa soft drink commercial ata 'to noh?) Halos kalagitnaan na ng byahe nang bigla kong naalala, "Aba, mukhang hindi ko kaagad naisip kung may gentleman na magpapaupo sa akin." Hindi naman sa hindi na ako umaasa sa ngayon, siguro mas naging appreciative lang ako these days. Kung may magpapaupo, "thank you." Kung wala naman, "thank you pa rin." Parang yung concept ni Philip Yancey na "two handed faith" kay God... hindi sya "if you do this, then..." bagkus katulad ni Job na "though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him."

Nakakatuwa si God, inaliw Nya ako at maraming pinaalala sa akin habang traffic. Nasa jeep naman na ako, hindi masyadong kagandahan ang sound quality ng speakers ni manong pero ayos lang... sabi sa kanta... "I found a masterpiece in you, a work of art that's true, and I treasure you my love..." Naalala ko yung tinuro sa Bible study, ang sabi... "workmanship" (Eph. 2:10) is poiema, a Greek word where we derived our English word "poem"... For we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works... wow! I'm like a "poem" pala kay God, a masterpiece. Somewhere sa Bible sinabi rin na "we are God's treasured possession..." Medyo traffic na naman habang nakasakay ako sa jeep pero thank God kasi may pinaalala ulit sya sa akin. Nakita ko ang sarili ko dun sa batang babae na nakakandong sa lap ng Daddy nya na nakaupo halos sa tapat ko. Medyo may konting tantrums ang bata (kasi nga gabi na siguro, inaantok na yung bata at medyo mainit sa loob ng jeep, medyo siksikan pa sa loob). Kahit pinapaypayan na sya ng Daddy nya at parang inuugoy pa, sige pa rin sa pagtantrums. Minsan...ay madalas pala, kahit sobrang care sa akin ni God sige pa rin ako sa pagtantrums, minsan...ay madalas pala, ang tantrums ko ay sa wala namang kadahilanan at kabuluhan.

Pagdating sa terminal ng tricycle sa gate ng village namin, super haba ng pila. Naisip ko..."hanggang dito ba naman...pauwiin nyo naman na ako please..." Naalala kong mag-text sa mama ko kasi nakalimutan ko syang i-update na pauwi na ako). Wow, super na feel ko na love ako ng mom ko at brother ko. Ang sweet kong sioti ay nagvolunteer na sunduin ako sa terminal ng tricycle (actually hinatid na nya ako nung umaga hanggang sa tapat ng office building namin kasi maulan). Nung malapit na kami sa bahay, yung song sa NOW radio ay "Thank You" by The Katinas... What a nice way to end my journey that night... "I just wanna say thank you, Lord, thanks for loving me!" Ayan, dapat talaga thankful pala ako kay God...sa lahat ng mga binibigay at ginagawa nya sa buhay ko... siguro naman hindi na ako magtatanong ulit ng "meron pa kaya?" :)

take it now

A sudden feeling of loneliness enveloped my being.  Amidst the presence of busy people I felt I’m all alone.  Out of nowhere, this feeling is creeping in my heart again.  If I could just do this…if I could just do that…frustrations are coming into the picture.  Could someone hear my heart’s cry right now?  If I could just banish from this side of the planet…  Take it now is all I ask.  Then out of the dark clouds in my mind, I remember some comforting thoughts.  Why should I feel alone and lonely?  “I will not leave you nor forsake you.”  Why am I carrying these sorrows?  “Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows…”  “Cast all your cares on him for he cares for you.”  How could I forget so easily?  Thank you, God…for reminding me on this…for letting me feel you’re near.

Take it now?  I wonder if God is teaching me patience (again?) this time.

book excerpt

In a certain primitive tribe, a boy's rite of passage to manhood consists of spending one dark night alone in the middle of the forest.  Imagine yourself as such a boy.  You had never been separated from your people before.  You are now exposed to the danger of nocturnal predators.  You jump at every rustle and every growl that intrudes into the pitch-dark night.  If there is a sense of helpless desolation, this is it.  Needless to say, you can't sleep.  Rather, you keep gazing at the sky, longing for dawn to come.

 

As the dark gives way to the gentle haze of sunrise, you are surprised.  There, some distance away, is your father, with weapons in his hand.  All the previous night, he was really there with you.  You did not know nor feel his presence, but he has been protecting you in case some nocturnal predator did come along.

 

What a powerful illustration of our Good Shepherd!  "Even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."  Yes, there is the darkness.  We taste the desolation of the soul.  Hopelessness stares at us in the face.  But during the night, Jesus is there: watching, protecting, providing, loving.

 

After all, did He not pay a terrible price for you?  It is inconceivable that He would suffer the Cross, only to abandon you in the darkness.  Then in His own time, He commands the sunrise to come.  Taking you hand, He finally takes you out of the darkness, the same way He restored sight to the blind or brought Lazarus out of the tomb.

 

The long night is but a memory.  But Son-rise has come.

 

From "Treasures In The Darkness" chapter of Nelson Dy's Finding Comfort (Makati, Philippines: Church Strengthening Ministry Inc., 2004), 177-178.

 

=========================================

 

Amazed.  Awestruck.  Grateful.

What a powerful illustration of our Good Shepherd indeed!

I've been hearing about the phrase "because they were like sheep without a shepherd" for several weeks already in our ministry training. (ref. Mark 6:34)

Everyday they pass me by...I can see it in their eyes...Empty people filled with care...Headed who knows where?

People need the Lord.

 

O Lord, please give me compassion to share to those people that You are the Good Shepherd.

Someone like You

How could Someone like You love someone like me?  I always fail.  I'm no good.  I'm a sinner.

Your love is so amazing.  You loved me as I am.  You loved me with all Your heart.  You even laid down Your life for me.

Someone like You has set me free.  You picked me up, washed me with Your precious blood and let me soar on high.

You are always mindful of me.  You know me inside out, even my hairs were numbered.  You watch over my coming and going.  You know when I sit and when I rise.

Though my heart is prone to wander yet You love me still.  Your stubborn love pursues me all the time.

Where can I go?  Where can I hide from Your love?  You are always there.

How could I go on without You?  I can't do anything on my own.

I want to love you more.

Why would I love any other?

Mabuti Pa Sila

May mga pagkakataon na naiisip ko 'to paminsan-minsan. 

 

Mabuti pa sila... may ganito, may ganoon, blah blah blah... minsan may gana pa akong magtanong sa Diyos bakit ako wala nito, wala nun, blah blah blah... bakit ang tagal ng mga sagot Nya sa mga panalangin ko na parang obligado ang Diyos sagutin lahat ng mga tanong ko...

Minsan nga may panahon pa na nayayamot, nagtatampo, nagmamaktol, nagdadabog...

Kagabi pinaintindi sa akin ng Diyos na hindi makakabuti sa akin ang mag-isip ng ganito kahit paminsan-minsan lang.  Pinaalala Nya sa akin na maging mapagpasalamat sa lahat ng pagkakataon, sa maliit man o malaking bagay, sa hirap man o ginhawa, naiintindihan ko man o hindi ang mga bagay-bagay.

 

Patawad O aking Diyos kung nakakaligtaan kong magpasalamat sa Iyo...

...salamat po at ako'y humihinga pa, buhay at may lakas

...salamat po sa biyaya na Inyong binibigay bawat araw

...salamat po na ako'y may trabaho

...salamat po sa aking pamilya

...salamat po sa mga kaibigan ko

...salamat po sa magandang paglubog ng araw na namalas ko kahapon

...salamat po at ligtas akong nakauwi kagabi

...salamat po at ligtas rin akong nakarating sa opisina

...salamat po sa masarap na tulog

...salamat po sa kakayahang mag-isip at magbasa

...salamat po at nakakalakad ako

...salamat po sa aking pandinig at naririnig ko ang mga tinig ng tao at magagandang musika

...salamat po sa aking mga kamay at marami akong bagay na maaaring magawa

...salamat po sa aking mga damit at sapatos

...salamat po sa maayos kong kalusugan

...salamat po sa dagdag na taon sa aking buhay na Iyong ipinagkaloob

...salamat po sa mga problema at natututo ako

...salamat po sa mga pagkain na Iyong binibigay araw-araw

...salamat po sa kakayahang matukoy ang iba't ibang kulay

...salamat po sa walang hanggang pag-ibig Mo sa akin

...salamat po sa Iyong anak na si Hesus na nagbuwis ng buhay para ako'y maligtas sa aking mga kasalanan

...salamat po sa lahat...

 

Makakalimutin lang pala ako sa mga bagay na binibigay at nagawa na ng Diyos para sa akin.  Maraming bagay pala akong dapat ipagpasalamat.

Dapat kong tandaan palagi na magpasalamat sa lahat ng oras.

O aking Diyos pwede pong humiling?  Ipaalala Nyo po sa akin na maging mapagpasalamat lagi. :)

 

 

point of no return

This phrase crossed my mind while I was crossing the street last Saturday. I was thinking that life has points of no return though in some instances people tried to make a 180-degree turn. Some of my thoughts on points of no return...

...when I say something that hurts other people's feelings (all I could do is ask for forgiveness but the damage has been done already)

...when I will say "I do" at the altar someday (therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate)

...when I committed my dear life to my Redeemer, Savior and Friend (I remember the song "I have decided to follow Jesus…no turning back, no turning back…”)

goodbyes

I’m quite emotional right now.  Another officemate of mine had resigned.  Oh, I just can’t describe the feeling.  I think my heart is broken. :(

I don’t know if I could bear another “goodbye”. 

 

*************

 

It's really overwhelming to be part of an answered prayer.  I just prayed to God that He would use me as a channel of blessings to others.  I'm just truly amazed on what God is doing in my life.  It's a great experience to be used by God as an instrument to answer other person's prayer. "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

 

If you can use anything Lord, You can use me.

a chance to die

I’ve wanted to read a book with this title.

A thought on this concept crossed my mind this morning while I’m on my way to the office. Based on what I’ve read about the book, the title “A Chance To Die” came from the concept of “dying to self”. I guess it’s from the context of Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me…” and Philippians 1:21 “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” It’s about doing God’s will and not my own will, thinking of others first before myself. I just thought, “God is giving me a chance to die (to myself) everyday.” I wonder if I died today. :)

meron pa kaya? (episode 3)

Kaninang umaga, nagmistulang eksperto na naman ako sa pag-forecast ng weather. Naisip ko "it's a sunny day!" Kaya iniwan ko na naman ang aking payong. Pumunta ako sa isang team building activity ng office na dala-dala lang ang aking sarili at maliit kong bag. Parang nananadya ang panahon at nung hapon ay biglang naging maulap, makulimlim at nawala si haring araw. Biglang umambon at bumuhos ang ulan. Mabuti na lang at may sasakyan pabalik ng office (sa ibang lugar kasi yung team building activity). Maulan pa rin pero salamat sa Diyos at hindi na kalakasan. Sabi ko sa sarili, "hindi ka pa natuto...nangyari na 'to kailan lang." Minsan talaga may pagkamatigas ang ulo ko at may kasama na ring katamaran sa pagbitbit ng payong. Dalawang sakay na lang (isang jeep at tricycle) at makakauwi na ako. Salamat talaga sa Diyos at hindi gaanong malakas ang ulan. Sa pagpunta ko sa abangan ng jeep, may tatlong manong na nakapayong. Ang mahiyaing si ako ay KKB (kanya-kanyang buhay) at walang pansin sa pagkakataong ito. Nakakahiya naman na makisilong sa payong nila. (Hmmm...pride ba ito?! *ngiting aso*) Wala pang parating na jeep kaya naisipan ko na ihanda na ang aking pamasahe. Aba, napansin ko na yung isang manong parang nag-aalangan na iniuurong ang payong sa kinatatayuan ko. Nilingon ko sya at ang sabi nya, "iha, makisilong ka muna sandali." Sagot ko naman, "sige ho, salamat." (Share na kami ngayon ni manong sa payong nya.) Ilang sandali lang ay may dumating na ring jeep, pinara ko. "Thank you po ulit," ang sabi ko kay manong bago ako tumakbong pasakay sa jeep. Sumagot naman sya, "sige, iha."

Napangiti ako habang nakaupo sa jeep. Naisip ko lang, tama pa rin ang kasabihang "Habang may buhay, may pag-asa." May mga maginoong lalaki pa pala sa ngayon. Sana mabuhay na sa pagkakahimlay ang ugaling pagiging maginoo ng mga lalaki. At sana matuto ring magpasalamat ang mga babae. Hay, kay tamis ng buhay kung ganon di ba? (Tunog commercial yata ito! *ngiting aso ulit*) At sana...hindi na matigas ang ulo ng isa dyan, magdala na ng payong always. :)

meron pa kaya? (episode 2)

Katatapos lang tumila ng malakas na ulan.  Pauwi na ako.  Mahaba ang pila sa sakayan ng jeep.  Biglang may dumating na bus.  Sumakay na ako kahit may mga nakatayo na.  Parang nangyari na 'to ilang linggo lang ang nakalipas.  Lumingon-lingon ako, mas marami nga lang lalaki ang nakatayo ngayon kumpara nung unang pagkakataon.  Sa kasuluk-sulokan ng aking isip ay may konti pang natitirang pag-asa na may magpapaupo sa akin sa pagkakataong ito.  Marami-rami rin ang mga lalaking nakaupo.  Lumipas ang ilang minuto...dumaan sa ilang stop light...nakatayo pa rin ako.  Sabi ko na nga ba sa sarili ko, "asa ka pa?"  Aasa pa ba ako sa susunod na pagkakataon?  Napaisip ako, talagang KKB na sa ngayon...Kanya Kanyang Buhay! Walang pakialamanan! Napaisip ulit ako, hindi ba ako mukhang babae?  Hay... :)

always

I used to bring my big umbrella these past few days due to scattered rain showers (remember: my trusted folding umbrella bid goodbye a couple of months ago).  Last Friday, I was reminded on the meaning of the word “always”.  I acted as an expert on weather forecasting on that day.  After seeing that the sky is clear, I decided to leave my big umbrella concluding that it will not rain.  The day just went fine as usual, just a typical day in the office.  I went home earlier than my usual Friday-going-home schedule.  About 3 rides away from our house (it usually takes me 5 rides going home), it started to rain.  It was manageable since it was just a drizzle.  A sudden downpour of rain fell from heaven when I was just about a tricycle ride away from home (I was in our village’s gate already).  Armed with just a jacket, I braved the strong rain just to get to the tricycle terminal.  O poor me, drenched with rain due to my so-called wise weather prediction.  I had this realization when I was riding the tricycle going home (actually I was riding at the back feeling more wet than before).  I thought…the weather is quite unpredictable, it may be sunny in the morning but it could be rainy in the latter part of the day.  No matter how expert you are in weather forecasting, it is always safe to be ready.  It also applies to spiritual life.  I just thought of the verse in the Bible that says, “Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)  Be always ready and on guard is my lesson for that day.  It’s better to be ready than sorry. :)

I Will Bow To You

Lord I will bow to You

To no other god

But You alone

Lord I will worship You

Nothing hands have made

But You alone

 

I will lay down my idols

Thrones I have made

All that has taken my heart

Lord I will bow to You

To no other god

But You alone

 

I've been reflecting this song lately.  The lines "I will lay down my idols, thrones I have made, all that has taken my heart" made me think if I really let go of my little idols, hidden thrones, and all that has captured my deceitful heart.

 

Lord, be the center of my life.

Appreciated

I’m feeling a certain “high” these past few days. No, it’s not because of a drug I’m using lately. Hahaha. :) It’s partly because of my new CD (a gift, actually) and a book (from a book bargain). Basically, I just feel so appreciated these days. I’ve quoted this verse before but then again I quote, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24) Encouraging words can really uplift a depressed soul or even change a life. Last Saturday, I happened to read a devotional article. It talked about a woman (named as Mary in John 12:3) who showed her lavish devotion to Jesus by anointing Him with perfume worth more than a year’s wages. Those who were present at that time became angry and asked, “Why this waste?” They expressed a concern for the poor instead. If they had been attending Jesus’ funeral rather than a dinner with Him, they may have reacted quite differently. The devotional just wanted to say that we need to break out our best perfumes for the living. Yet all too often we wait until someone we know has died to show the appreciation that we fail to show in life.

Show love to others young and old,
Encourage them while they are near;
For when they’ve gone to their reward,
Your loudest praise they will not hear.
- D. De Haan

On that same day (Saturday) while still reflecting on the appreciation lesson, I was thinking what it would feel if God Himself will appreciate me. If the appreciation of people gave me a certain “high” feeling, what more of God’s. (Reflect, reflect mood…) I was thinking what things I need to do to please God…be kind, do your best, obey Him, trust Him, pray, read and study the Bible, etc. I was inspired by the heroes of faith in the book of Hebrews lately. I’m trying to draw inspiration why these men and women of faith remained faithful though they had experienced many adversities and yet none of them received what had been promised. (You see, I think I’m in my Perseverance 101 class these days. *smiles*) It says in Hebrew 11:6, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

I was surprised to hear that our pastor’s message yesterday was entitled, “Highly Esteemed by God”. God must have been encouraging me. *smiles* It was a continuation on our study of the book of Daniel. The message has just three points to remember. To be highly esteemed by God, one must: 1) study the Scriptures, 2) apply the Scriptures, and 3) pray. (For a summary of our pastor’s message last Sunday, you may click “CCF” on the links section later this week.)

Two important lessons I’ve learned: 1) to appreciate others while they’re still alive, and 2) to live a life that pleases God so on that Day I’ll receive His “Well done, good and faithful servant…enter into the joy of your Lord.”

Lord, let my life be like a love song to Your heart.

meron pa kaya?

Medyo maulan ng pauwi ako kagabi galing ng office.  Hindi naman gaanong kahabaan ang pila para sa jeep pero biglang lumakas ang patak ng ulan.  Tamang-tama na may dumating na bus.  Naisip ko kahit nakatayo na lang ako sa bus basta hindi na lang mabasa ng ulan (actually may dala naman akong payong kaya lang medyo lumalakas na ang ulan).  Ok na rin kasi mukhang madalang ang pagdating ng mga jeep and at least umuusad na rin sa traffic kaysa naman sa maghintay pa ng jeep sa ilalim ng ulan.  Pagsakay ko ng bus, napaisip ako bigla, “sana may gentleman naman na magpaupo (wishful thinking!)”.  Lumingon-lingon ako sa paligid at medyo nabigla ako sa aking nakita.  Marami palang babae na nakatayo, sa palagay ko nauna pa sila sa aking nakasakay sa bus.  At marami ring lalaki ang nakaupo.  Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “asa ka pa?”  Pero syempre sinubukan ko namang i-justify ang mga lalaking nakaupo, malamang pagod rin sila sa work kasi yung iba tulog (o nagtutulog-tulugan lang?), ang iba naman ay malalim ang iniisip at malayo ang tingin sa labas ng bintana (o talagang nagpapatay-malisya lang, in short deadma!).  Napaisip tuloy ako, “meron pa kayang gentleman, I mean, gentlemen sa ngayon?”  Naisip ko ulit, “there’s always an exception naman, hindi siguro lahat ng men ganon, sana naman…” :)

Draw Me Close To You

Draw me close to you

Never let me go

I lay it all down again

To hear you say

That I'm your friend

 

You are my desire

No one else will do

'Cause nothing else

Can take your place

To feel the warmth

Of your embrace

Help me find the way

Bring me back to you

 

CHORUS:

You're all I want

You're all I've ever needed

You're all I want

Help me know you are near

 

 

This is my song to God these days.  James 4:8a "Come near to God and he will come near to you."  Jeremiah 29:13-14a "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  'I will be found by you,' declares the Lord."

 

O God, help me know you are near.

I'm trying...

I did my best but I guess my best wasn’t good enough…

 

A popular line of a song, this is what I’m feeling right now.  I tried my best as much as possible to come early or even just on time for work.  I made it on time yesterday; actually it was a buzzer beater.  So this morning I tried to leave our house earlier than usual.  I just don’t know where in the world the terrible traffic that I’ve encountered came.  It’s like the roads were full of cars, trucks, tricycles and more people.  There was a long waiting line in the FX terminal.  How I just wish I had wings to fly! Hehehe…  I’m kind of having the “I don’t deserve this” attitude again.  Thankfully, God reminded me again on this.  While sitting on the back area of the FX in the middle of the traffic, I had some realizations.  One, God is in control.  I know He has purpose on this situation.  Two, God must have been teaching me about patience again.  (Is this Patience 301 class?! Hehehe!)  And lastly, I should not give up; I should keep on keeping on.  I’m feeling quite discouraged already.  I was thinking of going home.  Thank God, He saw me through!  I guess I’m starting a new class…this is Perseverance 101! Oh how I wish I would pass! =)

Lately I’ve been busy balancing time with work, church ministries, family, social life, and some volunteer work.  But it seems that I’m spending less time with the most important person in my life - my God.  Though I’m trying to give Him time, the time I spend is just like sending a text message to a friend.  It’s not even a phone call or a chat.  The other night while I was listening to NOW Radio, a chorus of a song touched or even pierced my heart.  It was as if God is singing the chorus to me…I miss my time with you, those moments together, I need to be with you each day, and it hurts me when you say you’re too busy, how can you serve me when your spirit is empty?  I don’t know what to say.

To my Redeemer, Savior and Friend

I failed You again

I won't make any excuses

For I am guilty again

I'm so sorry

I ask for Your mercy

I'll make it up to you

Oh Lord please bless me